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Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Funny Quotes - Page 4
Censorship no longer works by hiding information from you; censorship works by flooding you with immense amounts of misinformation, of irrelevant information, of funny cat videos, until you're just unable to focus.
Yuval Noah Harari
It's been very funny to try to act like an adult. Even getting dressed. Every day, I'm like, 'Should I wear a blazer and walk around with an umbrella? Do I carry a briefcase?' Because I'm trying to be some image of the adults I saw on TV growing up.
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
Arthur C. Clarke
I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being... me.
Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
I am a candid interview and I have a dark and dry sense of humor - a very Canadian sense of humor and I am only learning now stupidly that you can't read tongue. When I say something funny in a newspaper and I meant it to be funny, it doesn't read that way.
You know the funny thing, I don't get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people.
People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
I've been fascinated by the Internet from the very start. In 2001, I had made a funny black-and-white film called 'How to Dance Properly,' a short video of me dancing to a Madonna song. I sent it to 17 of my friends on a Thursday, and by Monday, one million people a day were logging on to view it.
My life needs editing.
Only the mediocre are always at their best.
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
It's a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children.
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It's chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one.
I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I've ever met.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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