Funny Quotes - BrainyQuote

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. - Elbert Hubbard

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. Elbert Hubbard

Life, You, Seriously, Alive, Never, Will

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. - Reba McEntire

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. Reba McEntire

Life, Succeed, You, Three, Bone, Need

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. George Burns

Family, Happiness, Caring, City, Loving

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. - Chris Rock

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. Chris Rock

Life, Women, Water, Food, Three, Need

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. - Abraham Lincoln

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. Abraham Lincoln

Good, Man, Memory, Liar, Successful

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. - Jim Carrey

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Jim Carrey

Great, Man, Eyes, Woman, Great Man, Her

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. - Winston Churchill

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. Winston Churchill

Morning, Ugly, Drunk, You, Sober, Will

Be stupid, be dumb, be funny, if that's who you are. Don't try to be someone that society wants you to be; that's stupid. So be yourself. Christina Grimmie

Yourself, Be Yourself, Society, Stupid

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. - Margaret Mead

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Margaret Mead

Remember, Unique, You, Everyone, Always

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch Hedberg

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. Mitch Hedberg

Water, Plants, Fake, Pretend, Because

Top 10
Funny
Quotes

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. - Jules Renard

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. Jules Renard

Tired, Habit, You, Laziness, Nothing

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. - Steve Martin

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Steve Martin

Sunshine, Day, Night, You, Know, Without

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. - Abraham Lincoln

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. Abraham Lincoln

Coffee, Tea, Me, Bring, Some, Please

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. - Luis Bunuel

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. Luis Bunuel

Age, You, Cheese, Matter, Something

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know. - W. H. Auden

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know. W. H. Auden

Help Others, Help, Know, Earth, Others

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. - Thomas Sowell

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. Thomas Sowell

Knowledge, Ignorance, Realize, Own, Just

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. Mark Twain

You, Facts, Get, First, Your, Then

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. - Henny Youngman

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. Henny Youngman

Morning, Sleep, Tomorrow, Sorry, You

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. - Mark Twain

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. Mark Twain

Hell, Heaven, Company, Go, Climate

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. - Brooke Shields

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. Brooke Shields

Life, Smoking, You, Lost, Important

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. - Peter Ustinov

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. Peter Ustinov

Humor, Comedy, Serious, Way, Being

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. - Oscar Levant

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. Oscar Levant

Blue, Red, Roses, Schizophrenic, Am

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. - George Carlin

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin

Evil, Confused, House, Way, Become, Your

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. - Anthony Burgess

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. Anthony Burgess

Alone, Sleep, World, Laugh, You, Laughs

All men are equal before fish. - Herbert Hoover

All men are equal before fish. Herbert Hoover

Men, Fish, Equal, Before

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. - Hedy Lamarr

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. Hedy Lamarr

Girl, Stupid, Stand, You, Look, Still

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