Funny Quotes - BrainyQuote

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. - Elbert Hubbard

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. Elbert Hubbard

Never, Alive, Take

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. - Reba McEntire

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. Reba McEntire

Need, Saint Patrick's Day

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. - Margaret Mead

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Margaret Mead

Remember, Always

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. - Abraham Lincoln

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. Abraham Lincoln

Man, Memory, Enough

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. - Jim Carrey

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Jim Carrey

Great Man, Behind, Rolling

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. - Winston Churchill

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. Winston Churchill

May, Drunk, Still

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. - Chris Rock

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. Chris Rock

Need, Compliments, Only

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. - Luis Bunuel

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. Luis Bunuel

Age, Matter, Unless

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. - Steve Martin

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Steve Martin

Sunshine, Night, Like

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. George Burns

Caring, Loving, Having

Top 10
Funny
Quotes

Be stupid, be dumb, be funny, if that's who you are. Don't try to be someone that society wants you to be; that's stupid. So be yourself. Christina Grimmie

Be Yourself, Stupid, Dumb

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch Hedberg

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. Mitch Hedberg

Plants, Fake, Them

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. - Jules Renard

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. Jules Renard

Habit, Resting, Before

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think. - Milton Berle

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think. Milton Berle

Man, Think, Congress

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often. - Oliver Herford

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often. Oliver Herford

Mind, Woman, She

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. - Oscar Levant

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. Oscar Levant

Red, Blue, Schizophrenic

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. - Thomas Sowell

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. Thomas Sowell

Extent, Considerable

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. - Anthony Burgess

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. Anthony Burgess

Sleep, Alone, World

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. - Mark Twain

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. Mark Twain

Company, Go, Climate

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else. - Will Rogers

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else. Will Rogers

Humor, Else, Happening

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. Benjamin Franklin

See, Constant, Loves

When you're eight years old nothing is your business. Lenny Bruce

Business, Old, Nothing

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. - Hedy Lamarr

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. Hedy Lamarr

Girl, Stupid, Still

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. - Henny Youngman

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. Henny Youngman

Sleep, Late, Tonight

He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow. George Eliot

Thought, Like, Risen

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. - George Carlin

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. George Carlin

Weather, Dark, Tonight

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