Funny Quotes - BrainyQuote

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. - Elbert Hubbard

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. Elbert Hubbard

Life, You, Seriously, Alive, Will, Never

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. - Reba McEntire

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. Reba McEntire

Life, You, Succeed, Three, Need, Bone

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. - Chris Rock

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. Chris Rock

Life, Women, Water, Food, Three, Need

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. - Steve Martin

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Steve Martin

Sunshine, Day, Night, Know, You, Without

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. - Margaret Mead

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Margaret Mead

Remember, Unique, You, Everyone, Always

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. - Jim Carrey

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Jim Carrey

Man, Great, Eyes, Woman, Great Man, Her

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. George Burns

Family, Happiness, Caring, City, Loving

Be stupid, be dumb, be funny, if that's who you are. Don't try to be someone that society wants you to be; that's stupid. So be yourself. Christina Grimmie

Be Yourself, Yourself, Stupid, Society

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. - Winston Churchill

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. Winston Churchill

Morning, Ugly, Drunk, You, Sober, Will

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. - Abraham Lincoln

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. Abraham Lincoln

Coffee, Tea, Me, Bring, Some, Please

Top 10
Funny
Quotes

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. - Abraham Lincoln

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. Abraham Lincoln

Good, Man, Memory, Liar, Successful

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch Hedberg

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. Mitch Hedberg

Water, Plants, Fake, Pretend, Because

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. - Henny Youngman

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. Henny Youngman

Morning, Sleep, Tomorrow, Sorry, Late

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. - Oscar Levant

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. Oscar Levant

Blue, Red, Roses, Schizophrenic, Am

You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things. - Ken Kesey

You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things. Ken Kesey

Strength, Be Strong, Strong, You, See

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. - Jules Renard

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. Jules Renard

Tired, Habit, You, Laziness, Resting

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. - Anthony Burgess

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. Anthony Burgess

Alone, Sleep, World, Laugh, You, Laughs

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else. - Will Rogers

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else. Will Rogers

Humor, Long, Everything, Happening, Else

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. - Thomas Sowell

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. Thomas Sowell

Knowledge, Ignorance, Realize, Own, Just

You're only as good as your last haircut. - Fran Lebowitz

You're only as good as your last haircut. Fran Lebowitz

Good, Haircut, You, Last, Only, Your

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. - George Bernard Shaw

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. George Bernard Shaw

Family, Dance, You, Skeleton, Well, May

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. Mark Twain

You, Facts, First, Your, Then, Please

From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere. - Dr. Seuss

From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere. Dr. Seuss

Humor, Funny Things, Here, Things

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. - George Carlin

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin

Evil, Confused, House, Way, Become, May

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. Benjamin Franklin

God, Happy, Wine, See, Us, Proof

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. - Mark Twain

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. Mark Twain

Hell, Heaven, Company, Go, Climate

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