Funny Quotes - BrainyQuote

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. - Abraham Lincoln

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. Abraham Lincoln

Good, Man, Memory, Liar, Enough

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. - Elbert Hubbard

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. Elbert Hubbard

Life, You, Seriously, Never, Alive, Will

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. - Reba McEntire

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. Reba McEntire

Life, You, Succeed, Need, Three, Things

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. - Luis Bunuel

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. Luis Bunuel

Age, You, Matter, Cheese, Something

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. - Henny Youngman

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. Henny Youngman

Morning, Sorry, Sleep, Tomorrow, You

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. George Burns

Family, Happiness, City, Caring, Loving

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? - Lily Tomlin

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? Lily Tomlin

Love, Love Is, You, Question, Answer

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. - Jim Carrey

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Jim Carrey

Eyes, Man, Woman, Great, Great Man, Her

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. - Chris Rock

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. Chris Rock

Life, Women, Water, Food, Need, Three

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. - Steve Martin

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Steve Martin

Sunshine, Day, Night, You, Know, Without

Top 10
Funny
Quotes

Be stupid, be dumb, be funny, if that's who you are. Don't try to be someone that society wants you to be; that's stupid. So be yourself. Christina Grimmie

Yourself, Stupid, Society, Be Yourself

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. - Margaret Mead

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Margaret Mead

You, Unique, Remember, Always, Everyone

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. - Oscar Levant

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. Oscar Levant

Red, Blue, Roses, Schizophrenic, Am

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch Hedberg

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. Mitch Hedberg

Water, Plants, Fake, Pretend, Because

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. - Thomas Sowell

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. Thomas Sowell

Knowledge, Ignorance, Realize, Own, Your

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. - Abraham Lincoln

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. Abraham Lincoln

Coffee, Tea, Me, Some, Bring, Please

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. - Brooke Shields

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. Brooke Shields

Life, Smoking, You, Important, Lost

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. Mark Twain

You, Facts, Your, First, Get, Them

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. - Winston Churchill

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. Winston Churchill

Morning, Ugly, Drunk, You, Miss, Will

Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter. - James A. Garfield

Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter. James A. Garfield

Alone, Man, Live, Bread, Peanut Butter

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. - Anthony Burgess

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. Anthony Burgess

Alone, Sleep, World, You, Laugh, Laughs

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. - Robin Williams

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. Robin Williams

Sorry, You, Right, Agree, Were

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. - Albert Einstein

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. Albert Einstein

Age, Common Sense, Sense, Eighteen

My life needs editing. - Mort Sahl

My life needs editing. Mort Sahl

Life, My Life, Editing, Needs

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. - George Carlin

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. George Carlin

Weather, Dark, Forecast, Tonight

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. - Hedy Lamarr

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. Hedy Lamarr

Girl, Stupid, Look, You, Stand, Still

Loading...

Load more quotes

Recommended Topics

Motivational
Quotes

Inspirational
Quotes

Friendship
Quotes

Positive
Quotes

BrainyQuote

BrainyQuote Desktop

BrainyQuote Mobile

Site

Quote Of The Day

Social

BQ on Pinterest

BQ on Instagram

Apps

iPhone/iPad app

Quote Of The Day Feeds

Javascript and RSS feeds

WordPress plugin

Quote of the Day Email

About

Copyright © 2001 - 2019 BrainyQuote

Language: Español | Français

Please disable your ad blocker

OK