Funny Quotes - BrainyQuote

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. - Elbert Hubbard

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. Elbert Hubbard

Life, You, Alive, Seriously, Will, Never

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. - Reba McEntire

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. Reba McEntire

Life, Succeed, You, Three, Need, Things

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. George Burns

Family, Happiness, Caring, City, Loving

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. - Abraham Lincoln

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. Abraham Lincoln

Good, Man, Liar, Memory, Enough

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. - Chris Rock

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. Chris Rock

Life, Women, Water, Food, Three, Need

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. - Jim Carrey

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Jim Carrey

Eyes, Great, Woman, Man, Great Man, Her

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch Hedberg

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. Mitch Hedberg

Water, Plants, Fake, Pretend, Because

Be stupid, be dumb, be funny, if that's who you are. Don't try to be someone that society wants you to be; that's stupid. So be yourself. Christina Grimmie

Yourself, Stupid, Be Yourself, Society

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. - Margaret Mead

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Margaret Mead

Remember, You, Unique, Always, Everyone

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. - Winston Churchill

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. Winston Churchill

Morning, Ugly, You, Drunk, Sober, Will

Top 10
Funny
Quotes

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. - Thomas Sowell

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. Thomas Sowell

Knowledge, Ignorance, Realize, Own, Just

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. - Steve Martin

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Steve Martin

Sunshine, Day, Night, You, Know, Without

What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise. - Jerome K. Jerome

What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise. Jerome K. Jerome

Blessing, I Am, Looking, Disguise, Am

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. - Hedy Lamarr

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. Hedy Lamarr

Girl, Stupid, Stand, You, Look, Still

It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish. - Stephen Leacock

It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish. Stephen Leacock

Fishing, People, Name, Fish, Who, Given

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. Mark Twain

Facts, You, First, Get, Your, Please

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. - Groucho Marx

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. Groucho Marx

Child, Someone, Understand, Five, Would

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. - Luis Bunuel

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. Luis Bunuel

Age, You, Cheese, Matter, Something

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. - Oscar Levant

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. Oscar Levant

Red, Blue, Roses, Schizophrenic, Am

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. - Robin Williams

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. Robin Williams

Sorry, You, Right, Agree, Were

Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively. - Laurence J. Peter

Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively. Laurence J. Peter

Man, Three, Expert, Who, Correct, Makes

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. - Brooke Shields

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. Brooke Shields

Life, Smoking, You, Lost, Important

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know. - W. H. Auden

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know. W. H. Auden

Help Others, Help, Earth, Know, Others

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. - Peter Ustinov

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. Peter Ustinov

Humor, Comedy, Serious, Way, Being

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. - Jules Renard

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. Jules Renard

Habit, Tired, You, Laziness, Nothing

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny. - Stephen Hawking

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny. Stephen Hawking

Life, Would, Tragic, Were

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