Funny Quotes

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.

Life You Succeed Need Things

Be stupid, be dumb, be funny, if that's who you are. Don't try to be someone that society wants you to be; that's stupid. So be yourself.

Christina Grimmie

Yourself You Stupid Be Yourself

I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life.

Life Me Enjoy Life Blessed

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.

Abraham Lincoln

Good Man Memory Liar Enough

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

Life You Never Seriously

I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons.

Dead Tax Year Reasons

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

Glass Falling Out Ice

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

You Unique Remember Always Like

I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them?

Believe You Rules I Believe

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

You Facts Your First

Top 10
Funny
Quotes

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.

Theodore Roosevelt

You Person Your Trouble

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?

Laurence J. Peter

Mind Clean Desk Sign

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

Life Believe You Find

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Hell Heaven Company Go Climate

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Winston Churchill

Morning You Drunk Ugly

Trust is hard to come by. That's why my circle is small and tight. I'm kind of funny about making new friends.

Trust Small Friends New Friends

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.

Abraham Lincoln

See Ability Others Describe Tact

I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being... me.

Ellen DeGeneres

Myself Being Myself Me Loved

It's so funny how social media was just this fun thing, and now it's this monster that consumes so many millennial lives.

Social Media Fun Media Just

Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings.

Ellen DeGeneres

Bullying People Humor Be Kind

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Eyes Great Man Woman Great Man

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.

Knowledge Ignorance Own Your

It's such a funny thing when you see your daughter transitioning from your baby, your little girl, to suddenly being a young woman. If you're not really looking for it, you can miss it, and Lily-Rose is on that road already, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

Girl Daughter Woman Looking

Design is a funny word. Some people think design means how it looks. But of course, if you dig deeper, it's really how it works.

People Think You Design

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Water Plants Fake Pretend Because

From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.

Humor Things Here Funny Things

Loading...

Load more quotes

Recommended Topics

Motivational
Quotes

Positive
Quotes

Friendship
Quotes

BrainyQuote

BrainyQuote Desktop

BrainyQuote Mobile

Site

Quote Of The Day

Social

BQ on Pinterest

BQ on Instagram

Apps

iPhone/iPad app

Quote Of The Day Feeds

Javascript and RSS feeds

WordPress plugin

Quote of the Day Email

About

Copyright © 2001 - 2019 BrainyQuote

Language: Español | Français

Please disable your ad blocker

OK