Funny Quotes - BrainyQuote

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. - Abraham Lincoln

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. Abraham Lincoln

Good, Man, Memory, Liar, Enough

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. - Elbert Hubbard

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. Elbert Hubbard

Life, You, Seriously, Never, Alive, Will

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. - Reba McEntire

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. Reba McEntire

Life, You, Succeed, Need, Three, Things

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. - Luis Bunuel

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. Luis Bunuel

Age, You, Matter, Cheese, Something

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? - Lily Tomlin

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? Lily Tomlin

Love, Love Is, You, Question, Answer

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. - Henny Youngman

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. Henny Youngman

Morning, Sorry, Sleep, Tomorrow, You

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. George Burns

Family, Happiness, City, Caring, Loving

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. - Jim Carrey

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Jim Carrey

Eyes, Man, Woman, Great, Great Man, Her

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. - Chris Rock

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. Chris Rock

Life, Women, Water, Food, Need, Three

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. - Steve Martin

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Steve Martin

Sunshine, Day, Night, You, Know, Without

Top 10
Funny
Quotes

Be stupid, be dumb, be funny, if that's who you are. Don't try to be someone that society wants you to be; that's stupid. So be yourself. Christina Grimmie

Yourself, Stupid, Society, Be Yourself

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. - Margaret Mead

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Margaret Mead

You, Unique, Remember, Always, Everyone

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got. - Josh Billings

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got. Josh Billings

Man, Interesting, Most, He, Got, His

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch Hedberg

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. Mitch Hedberg

Water, Plants, Fake, Pretend, Because

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. - Oscar Levant

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. Oscar Levant

Red, Blue, Roses, Schizophrenic, Am

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. - Thomas Sowell

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. Thomas Sowell

Knowledge, Ignorance, Realize, Own, Your

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. - Abraham Lincoln

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. Abraham Lincoln

Coffee, Tea, Me, Some, Bring, Please

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. Mark Twain

You, Facts, Your, First, Get, Them

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. - Brooke Shields

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. Brooke Shields

Life, Smoking, You, Important, Lost

Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter. - James A. Garfield

Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter. James A. Garfield

Alone, Man, Live, Bread, Peanut Butter

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. - Anthony Burgess

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. Anthony Burgess

Alone, Sleep, World, You, Laugh, Laughs

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. - Robin Williams

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. Robin Williams

Sorry, You, Right, Agree, Were

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. - Winston Churchill

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. Winston Churchill

Morning, Ugly, Drunk, You, Miss, Will

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know. - W. H. Auden

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know. W. H. Auden

Help Others, Help, Know, Earth, Others

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. - George Carlin

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. George Carlin

Weather, Dark, Forecast, Tonight

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. - Albert Einstein

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. Albert Einstein

Age, Common Sense, Sense, Eighteen

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