If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.
They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life.
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
Be stupid, be dumb, be funny, if that's who you are. Don't try to be someone that society wants you to be; that's stupid. So be yourself.
No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.
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