Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. Fields
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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