I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time... I think I’ve forgotten this before.
My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right; don't send me a bill until I pay you.'
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
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