Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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