The Earth will be around for a long time before you have a funnier president than Obama. He has a stand-up's cadence and the awareness and ability to make jokes about himself before comedians can. That's a page almost every politician should try to take from his book.
I think the greatest gift your parents can give you if you want to be a comedian is good taste.
I want people to know my political point of view. There's an appetite for that, almost an expectation. I also want to make people laugh, but I wouldn't want to do it at the expense of my point of view.
Donald Trump often appears on Fox, which is ironic because a fox often appears on Donald Trump's head.
When my girlfriend and I talk about being happy, I'll get choked up, which I think is the greatest gift you can give a girlfriend.
My mother is an incredibly beautiful woman who has laughed at every single thing my father's ever said. At a young age, my brother and I understood that if you can make girls laugh, you can punch well above your weight class.
I'm strictly a sugar-free Red Bull guy. I'd rather enjoy my sugar intake elsewhere.
It's nice to have an elephant in the room. There's nothing more helpful than something everybody's thinking about.
Once you get past funny, my other qualities are so below average. It's not like I'm handy.
I love cheese plates. Though I actually hate cheese plates. Because I can't say no to them.
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