Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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