Spike Milligan Quotes

Irish - Comedian April 16, 1918 - February 27, 2002

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic. - Spike Milligan

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic. Spike Milligan

Father, Influence, Me, Profound, Lunatic

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. Spike Milligan

Happiness, Money, You, More, Misery, Buy

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy. - Spike Milligan

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy. Spike Milligan

Happy, Money, Me, Chance, Prove, Ask

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. Spike Milligan

Funny, Tree, Sit, Sure, Cure

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge. Spike Milligan

Health, Body, Year, Old, Eighteen, Keep

I can speak Esperanto like a native. - Spike Milligan

I can speak Esperanto like a native. Spike Milligan

Funny, Speak, I Can, Like, Native

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs? Spike Milligan

You, Going, Use, Come, Quietly

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. Spike Milligan

Light, God, Thursday, Electricity, Wait

We reach a secondary road and - here comes the bonus - we pass the Temple of Neptune and Cerene, at Paestum, both looking beautiful in the sunlight. Strung from the Doric columns are lines of soldiers' washing. At last they had been put to practical use. If only the ancient Greeks had known. Spike Milligan

Beautiful, Road, Looking, Soldiers, Last

Is the modern social pattern of unending change and movement the cause of two modern diseases, insecurity and dissatisfaction? How lucky Thomas Hood was to be able to write, 'I remember, I remember the house where I was born.' I don't even know what mine looked like! Spike Milligan

Change, Insecurity, Remember, Hood, Know

It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't. Spike Milligan

Marriage, Perfect, Want, She, He

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion. Spike Milligan

Used, Should, Occasion, Every

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke. Spike Milligan

Singing, Me, Years, Joke, Somebody, Many

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine. Spike Milligan

Reading, Thought, Why, Never, Begin

I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens. Spike Milligan

Dying, Want, Afraid, Just, Happens

The lunacy continues and has every chance of becoming a way of life unless we stop it soon. Men are getting so used to wars that the psychiatric wing of the RAMC are planning how to break the news to the men when the war is over. Spike Milligan

Life, War, Planning, Men, Chance, News

I don't think of depression as contagious. Other depressed people challenge the idea - which can be very persistent and irritating - that there is something odd about you: that you are unique with regard to this wretched state. Spike Milligan

Depression, Challenge, People, Think

May 8th 1943. Deluge. The rain not only fell mainly on the plain in Spain; it also fell mainly on the back of the bloody neck, dripping down the spine into the socks where it came out of the lace-holes in the boots. Spike Milligan

Rain, Down, Boots, Back, Socks, Spain

We come across thirty or so hurried graves with makeshift wooden markers. 'Private Edwards, E.', a number, and that was all. Fourteen days ago he was alive, thinking feeling, hoping... If war was a game of cards, I'd say someone was cheating. Spike Milligan

War, Thinking, Game, Cheating, Cards

I remember lying out in my bed and looking at the vast, quiet sky. Right up above my head, there were three stars in a row, and I remember thinking, 'Well, I'll have those three stars all my life, and wherever I am, they will be. They are my stars, and they belong to me.' Spike Milligan

Life, Stars, Sky, I Am, Thinking, Me

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven. Spike Milligan

Funny, Long, Army, Foot, Five, How

I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it. Spike Milligan

Hands, Prove, Right, Friendly, Still

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order. Spike Milligan

Perfect, Working, Anything, Order, Worn

I'm a hero with coward's legs. Spike Milligan

Hero, Coward, Legs

It's all in the mind, you know. Spike Milligan

Mind, You, Know

For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string. Spike Milligan

Hand, Years, Iron, Foot, String, Finally

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