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You can't fix stupid.
Ron White
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Top 10 Ron White Quotes
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Ron White Quotes
American
-
Comedian
Born:
December 18
, 1956
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Ron White
Funny
,
I Believe That
,
Given
You can't fix stupid.
Ron White
Stupid
,
Fix
,
You
The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can't even spell. I don't even have a high school diploma. I'm smart, but you can't prove it on paper.
Ron White
Disability
,
Prove
,
Another
I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.
Ron White
Silent
,
Remain
,
Had
The next time you have a thought... let it go.
Ron White
Funny
,
Thought
,
Next
Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane.
Ron White
Death Penalty
,
Mine
,
Other
There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.
Ron White
Guy
,
Hooked
,
Tastes
Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.
Ron White
Never
,
Anybody
,
Could
There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between.
Ron White
Builders
,
Built
,
Though
Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute!
Ron White
Diamonds
,
Her
,
Shut
Top 10
Ron White
Quotes
View the list
The only way to stay sharp is to do live shows. There is no part-time comedy.
Ron White
Comedy
,
Only
,
Shows
All I know how to do is take what's on my mind and spit it out funny. I don't know what else I could do besides comedy.
Ron White
Mind
,
Comedy
,
Could
Pace, rhythm and timing. Pace, rhythm and timing is what it's about. The content's got to be great, but then it's got to be delivered. It's a tricky thing to do, and it takes a lot of work.
Ron White
Work
,
Timing
,
Pace
I think honest communication, no matter where it comes from, is positive for a relationship.
Ron White
Think
,
Honest
,
I Think
Donald Trump - and I don't dislike Donald one single bit - has no idea how good the Mexican people are at building tunnels.
Ron White
Dislike
,
Donald
,
Trump
There's not a pill you can take; there's not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever.
Ron White
Stupid
,
Go
,
Take
I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.
Ron White
Soccer
,
Game
,
Still
I love Cincinnati, but you can keep that spaghetti chili product!
Ron White
Love
,
Product
,
Chili
I've never been one to look up the ladder. I've always looked down the ladder. As long as there's one guy down there, I'm fine.
Ron White
Always
,
Been
,
Looked
I don't like to do burnt material on stage. Even though my crowd loves to hear me do old stuff, I don't like to do old stuff. So I do very, very little of it.
Ron White
Like
,
Very
,
Though
I guarantee there's people who watch television who have no idea how complicated it is to make a television show.
Ron White
Television
,
Show
,
Idea
You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out.
Ron White
Done
,
Some
,
Album
I started selling out comedy clubs before I got to town with no advertising. I was selling out theaters just on the rumor that I was going to be there.
Ron White
Going
,
Town
,
Before
The bulk of my fans are my age, and I'm aging at the same rate they are. That makes me relevant. They like hearing what I have to say. I work hard at it, but it's addicting, really.
Ron White
Work
,
Work Hard
,
Like
I could do no wrong in my mother's eyes from the day I was born. My fans bought her a very nice house in San Antonio, and she has a great life.
Ron White
Very
,
San Antonio
,
San
I would have rather been beat by a plumber than Kathy Griffin.
Ron White
Been
,
Plumber
,
Griffin
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Related Authors
Steven Wright
Robin Williams
Groucho Marx
Mitch Hedberg
Rodney Dangerfield
George Carlin
W. C. Fields
Joan Rivers
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