Ron White Quotes - BrainyQuote

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. Ron White

Funny, Given, I Believe That

You can't fix stupid. - Ron White

You can't fix stupid. Ron White

Stupid, Fix, You

The next time you have a thought... let it go. - Ron White

The next time you have a thought... let it go. Ron White

Funny, Next, Thought

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability. - Ron White

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability. Ron White

Had, Silent, Remain

People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic. Ron White

Work, Workaholic, People

When I was a kid, mostly I played in a ditch that didn't have much water in it. It was for drainage purposes. There was not a lot trouble to get into in that ditch. It was ditch activities like catching crawdads and minnows. Ron White

Catching, Mostly, Like

I don't have a specific plan except for as long as people want to listen to me talk, I'm going to keep talking. I can't imagine a life without doing standup. Ron White

Imagine, Doing, Going

As a small child, I could watch anything happen and tell a story, and it was funny. Ron White

Small, Happen, Watch

Comedy is all about the pause. Ron White

Comedy, About, Pause

I was talking to a guy who was holding his 18-month-old daughter with the only limb he had left, and he had a smile on his face. I thought, 'I'm not even a 10th of this man.' Ron White

Guy, Limb, Thought

Top 10
Ron White
Quotes

Donald Trump - and I don't dislike Donald one single bit - has no idea how good the Mexican people are at building tunnels. Ron White

Dislike, Donald, Trump

There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between. Ron White

Builders, Though, Built

A killer Cuban restaurant with a giant cigar bar. Have me a Cuban sandwich. That's just like heaven to me. I'm a simple man. Ron White

Like, Restaurant, Sandwich

There's not a pill you can take; there's not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever. Ron White

Take, Stupid, Go

There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong. Ron White

Guy, Tastes, Hooked

If I'm not in the theatre, I'm in an open mic night or doing a guest set at the Comedy Club, or whatever, just trying to develop stuff. Ron White

Doing, Set, Mic

I don't like to do burnt material on stage. Even though my crowd loves to hear me do old stuff, I don't like to do old stuff. So I do very, very little of it. Ron White

Very, Though, Like

My uncle was a preacher, and I used to go watch him preach. He was also funny, so I'm very 'preacher-ish' on stage, not by intent but because that's where I learned to talk in front of people. Ron White

Uncle, Very, Used

I think honest communication, no matter where it comes from, is positive for a relationship. Ron White

Think, I Think, Honest

Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute! Ron White

Diamonds, Shut, Her

I do live like a rock star, but it's not as great as it sounds. It's a lot of traveling. Ron White

Rock, Lot, Rock Star

I loved listening to laughter even as a little kid. Ron White

Listening, Little Kid, Loved

I could do no wrong in my mother's eyes from the day I was born. My fans bought her a very nice house in San Antonio, and she has a great life. Ron White

San Antonio, Very, San

The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith's 'What It Was, Was Football.' I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn't know what any of it meant. Ron White

Hands, Fact, Fascinated

The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can't even spell. I don't even have a high school diploma. I'm smart, but you can't prove it on paper. Ron White

Prove, Disability, Another

Here's how I operate. When I see something I like, 20 years later, I ask her brother for her phone number. She don't even see me coming. Ron White

Here, Like, I See

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