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You can't fix stupid.

Ron White Quotes

American - Comedian Born: December 18, 1956

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I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. Ron White

Funny, Life, Believe

You can't fix stupid. - Ron White

You can't fix stupid. Ron White

Stupid, You, Fix

The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can't even spell. I don't even have a high school diploma. I'm smart, but you can't prove it on paper. Ron White

Learning, School, Smart

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability. - Ron White

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability. Ron White

Silent, Ability, Right

All I know how to do is take what's on my mind and spit it out funny. I don't know what else I could do besides comedy. Ron White

Funny, Mind, Know

When I was a kid, mostly I played in a ditch that didn't have much water in it. It was for drainage purposes. There was not a lot trouble to get into in that ditch. It was ditch activities like catching crawdads and minnows. Ron White

Water, Trouble, Kid

The next time you have a thought... let it go. - Ron White

The next time you have a thought... let it go. Ron White

Funny, Time, Thought

Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin. Ron White

People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic. Ron White

Work, People, True

I'd rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part. Ron White

Good, Small, Bad

If you look at the common denominator of all the comics who have had big success, it's being true to their nature... that's what takes a long time to learn. Ron White

Success, Nature, Time

Donald Trump - and I don't dislike Donald one single bit - has no idea how good the Mexican people are at building tunnels. Ron White

Good, People, Building

All of my comedian friends are some of the best joke writers in the world. Ron White

Friends, Best, World

I think honest communication, no matter where it comes from, is positive for a relationship. Ron White

Positive, Communication

I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn't going to smoke every last one of 'em. Ron White

Great, Smoke, Cigar

There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong. Ron White

Beer, Fat, Diet

The bulk of my fans are my age, and I'm aging at the same rate they are. That makes me relevant. They like hearing what I have to say. I work hard at it, but it's addicting, really. Ron White

Work, Age, Work Hard

There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between. Ron White

People, Bridge, Walk

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane. Ron White

Death, Trying, Death Penalty

You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered. Ron White

I didn't get where I am today by worryin' about how I'd feel tomorrow. Ron White

Wisdom, Today, I Am

But I work harder now because I have so much more exposure. And actually the harder you work as a writer, the better you get at it. It's like anything else. It's a muscle you have to exercise. I write more now than ever. Ron White

Work, Exercise, Better

I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game. Ron White

Soccer, Believe, Game

Mother, she likes the blue material just fine. Ron White

Mother, Blue, She

Anything I write that I consider stage-quality work, I won't give my TV show. I put it in my live show. Ron White

Work, Live, Write

I'm set up where I make a lot of money doing stand-up, and it's easy. Ron White

Money, Easy, Doing

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