Ron White Quotes

American - Comedian Born: December 18, 1956

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. Ron White

Life, Funny, Believe, You, Find, Party

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability. - Ron White

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability. Ron White

Silent, Right, Ability, Had, Remain

We always go out looking for live music after our shows. Ron White

Live, Music, Looking, Go, Always, Out

Donald Trump - and I don't dislike Donald one single bit - has no idea how good the Mexican people are at building tunnels. Ron White

Good, People, Building, Donald Trump

There's not a pill you can take; there's not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever. Ron White

Stupid, You, Go, Class, Forever, Take

I didn't get where I am today by worryin' about how I'd feel tomorrow. Ron White

Wisdom, Today, I Am, Tomorrow, Feel, Get

I go to more open mic nights than open mikers. Ron White

Go, More, Open, Mic, Than, Nights

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane. Ron White

Death, Trying, Death Penalty, Lane, Mine

The only way to stay sharp is to do live shows. There is no part-time comedy. Ron White

Live, Comedy, Way, Sharp, Stay, Only

People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic. Ron White

Work, People, Saying, True, Drink, Only

Top 10
Ron White
Quotes

I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers. Ron White

Good, Recognition, Peers, Get, Some

Any time someone achieves success before they've earned it, it always comes back to haunt them. Ron White

Success, Time, Someone, Back, Always

You can't fix stupid. - Ron White

You can't fix stupid. Ron White

Stupid, You, Fix

The next time you have a thought... let it go. - Ron White

The next time you have a thought... let it go. Ron White

Funny, Time, Thought, You, Go, Next

The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can't even spell. I don't even have a high school diploma. I'm smart, but you can't prove it on paper. Ron White

Learning, School, Smart, Brain, You, Way

There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong. Ron White

Beer, Fat, Diet, You, Wrong, Go

The Majestic Theatre in San Antone is as good as it gets. Ron White

Good, Theatre, Majestic, Gets, San

I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn't going to smoke every last one of 'em. Ron White

Great, Smoke, Got, Going, Because, Last

I don't know who in my family thinks very fast at all, including me. The things that people see me do onstage are written, so it doesn't have to be very quick if you have all day with a pen. Ron White

Family, Day, People, Me, You, Pen

When I was a kid, mostly I played in a ditch that didn't have much water in it. It was for drainage purposes. There was not a lot trouble to get into in that ditch. It was ditch activities like catching crawdads and minnows. Ron White

Water, Trouble, Kid, Activities, Get

Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute! Ron White

Diamonds, Up, Her, Minute, Shut

I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game. Ron White

Game, Believe, Better, Bad, Soccer, Show

My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan - thin, slow, and it leaks. Ron White

Brain, Slow, Lazy, Like, Between, Cross

When I was 20, I used to go around telling stories, and I knew where I was comfortable - onstage, talking, making 'em laugh and listen to the weirdest things. I liked being the center of attention. Ron White

Laugh, Talking, Attention, Go, Listen

There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between. Ron White

Walk, People, Bridge, Bridges, Build

If you watch the 'Blue Collar Comedy Tour,' don't expect that when you come see me by myself, 'cause it's a little rougher. Ron White

Myself, Blue, Me, Comedy, You, See

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