You can't fix stupid.

Ron White Quotes

American - Comedian Born: December 18, 1956

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. Ron White

Funny, I Believe That, Given

You can't fix stupid. - Ron White

You can't fix stupid. Ron White

Stupid, Fix, You

The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can't even spell. I don't even have a high school diploma. I'm smart, but you can't prove it on paper. Ron White

Disability, Prove, Another

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability. - Ron White

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability. Ron White

Silent, Remain, Had

The next time you have a thought... let it go. - Ron White

The next time you have a thought... let it go. Ron White

Funny, Thought, Next

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane. Ron White

Death Penalty, Mine, Other

There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong. Ron White

Guy, Hooked, Tastes

Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin. Ron White

Never, Anybody, Could

There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between. Ron White

Builders, Built, Though

Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute! Ron White

Diamonds, Her, Shut

Top 10
Ron White
Quotes

The only way to stay sharp is to do live shows. There is no part-time comedy. Ron White

Comedy, Only, Shows

All I know how to do is take what's on my mind and spit it out funny. I don't know what else I could do besides comedy. Ron White

Mind, Comedy, Could

Pace, rhythm and timing. Pace, rhythm and timing is what it's about. The content's got to be great, but then it's got to be delivered. It's a tricky thing to do, and it takes a lot of work. Ron White

Work, Timing, Pace

I think honest communication, no matter where it comes from, is positive for a relationship. Ron White

Think, Honest, I Think

Donald Trump - and I don't dislike Donald one single bit - has no idea how good the Mexican people are at building tunnels. Ron White

Dislike, Donald, Trump

There's not a pill you can take; there's not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever. Ron White

Stupid, Go, Take

I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game. Ron White

Soccer, Game, Still

I love Cincinnati, but you can keep that spaghetti chili product! Ron White

Love, Product, Chili

I've never been one to look up the ladder. I've always looked down the ladder. As long as there's one guy down there, I'm fine. Ron White

Always, Been, Looked

I don't like to do burnt material on stage. Even though my crowd loves to hear me do old stuff, I don't like to do old stuff. So I do very, very little of it. Ron White

Like, Very, Though

I guarantee there's people who watch television who have no idea how complicated it is to make a television show. Ron White

Television, Show, Idea

You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out. Ron White

Done, Some, Album

I started selling out comedy clubs before I got to town with no advertising. I was selling out theaters just on the rumor that I was going to be there. Ron White

Going, Town, Before

The bulk of my fans are my age, and I'm aging at the same rate they are. That makes me relevant. They like hearing what I have to say. I work hard at it, but it's addicting, really. Ron White

Work, Work Hard, Like

I could do no wrong in my mother's eyes from the day I was born. My fans bought her a very nice house in San Antonio, and she has a great life. Ron White

Very, San Antonio, San

I would have rather been beat by a plumber than Kathy Griffin. Ron White

Been, Plumber, Griffin

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