P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

American - Comedian Born: November 14, 1947

If government were a product, selling it would be illegal. - P. J. O'Rourke

If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.

Government, Product, Selling, Were

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.

Love, Ignorance, Alcohol, Power, People

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P. J. O'Rourke

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

Car, Money, Power, Government, Giving

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. - P. J. O'Rourke

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

Children, Parenting, People, Who, Them

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely. - P. J. O'Rourke

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

Funny, Important, Cleanliness, More

The 20th century was a test bed for big ideas - fascism, communism, the atomic bomb.

Communism, Ideas, Bed, Atomic Bomb, Big

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.

Work, Politics, You, Government, Party

The great thing about being a print journalist is that you are permitted to duck. Cameramen get killed while the writers are flat on the floor. A war correspondent for the BBC dedicated his memoir to 50 fallen colleagues, and I guarantee you they were all taking pictures. I am only alive because I am such a chicken.

Great, I Am, War, Colleagues, You, Duck

Globalization is simply opening the free marketplace to encompass the entire world.

World, Globalization, Free, Opening

To mistrust science and deny the validity of scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You'd better go look for work as a plant or wild animal.

Work, Science, Look, You, Animal, Job

Top 10
P. J. O'Rourke
Quotes

Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.

People, Understand, Long, Politicians

The idea of a stag hunt evokes chivalry - knights in jerkins and hose, ladies on sidesaddles with wimples and billowing dresses, a white stag symbolizing something-or-other, and Robin Hood getting in the way. An actual stag hunt is more like a horseback meeting of a county planning commission.

Meeting, White, Way, Hood, Dresses, More

The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore.

Better, Dressed, Than, Average, Citizens

Term limits aren't enough. We need jail.

Limits, Enough, Need, Jail, Term Limits

Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiving dinner kickback to the Indians for subsidizing Pilgrim maize production with fish head fertilizer grants.

Politics, Business, Dinner, Fish, Head

Passover is my idea of a perfect holiday. Dear God, when you're handing out plagues of darkness, locusts, hail, boils, flies, lice, frogs, and cattle murrain, and turning the Nile to blood and smiting the firstborn, give me a pass. And tell me when it's over.

God, Darkness, Me, You, Perfect, Holiday

Bill Clinton is not a hypocrite. If a man believes that it is just and moral to redistribute wealth, there is nothing hypocritical in his attempts to redistribute some of that wealth to himself.

Man, Hypocrite, Moral, Nothing, Wealth

Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.

Funny, Cards, Christmas, Greeting, Save

The beauty of democracy is that an average, random, unremarkable citizen can lead it.

Beauty, Random, Democracy, Lead, Citizen

New Hampshire polling data are unreliable because, when you call the Granite State's registered Republicans and independents in the middle of dinner and ask them who they're going to vote for, they have a mouth full of mashed potatoes and you can't understand what they say.

Vote, You, Dinner, Understand, New, Data

Never wear anything that panics the cat. - P. J. O'Rourke

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

Pet, Wear, Never, Anything, Cat

Global warming is a fact. Now it's up to liberals to make it a reality. Hence there is crucial importance in preventing powerful, greedy free market forces from getting in the way of worsening storms and rising sea levels. The Kyoto Accord is a good first step.

Good, Sea, Step, Reality, Global Warming

I am unboreable in the great outdoors.

Great, I Am, Outdoors, Am

The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you're rich.

Good, Politics, You, Rich, Bad, News

I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.

Love, Home, I Am, Doing, Wood, Things

A penny will not buy a penny postcard or a penny whistle or a single piece of penny candy. It will not even, if you're managing the U.S. Mint, buy a penny.

You, Will, Candy, Single, Buy, Penny

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