Jasper Carrott Quotes

English - Comedian Born: March 14, 1945

I have a very happy marriage and friends who keep my feet on the ground. But looking for satisfaction in life is difficult. Maybe being happy is as simple as not being unhappy. Jasper Carrott

Very, Feet, Maybe

I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for. Jasper Carrott

Firmly, Will, DJ

Laughter is the best medicine - unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list. Jasper Carrott

Diabetic, Pretty, High

Happiness to me is simply not being unhappy. Jasper Carrott

Unhappy, Happiness, Me

I have been known to play a few rounds in my time. I'm not obsessive; I don't play in the dark, but even that's not out of the question because Stevie Wonder is also a golfer. Jasper Carrott

Play, Stevie, Been

I've always been sensible with my money. I can't say I'm a business genius. Jasper Carrott

Always, Genius, Been

I was never the class clown, and I've no idea where the comedy came from. Jasper Carrott

Never, Idea, Comedy

When I hit the scene, there was Billy Connolly and Max Boyce. It was all mother-in-law and Irish jokes, and we broke the mould. Now there are thousands of comedians out there, and I don't think I can be above it all. Jasper Carrott

Think, Broke, Billy

I want to do things I enjoy, and show business comes fifth or sixth down the line. Jasper Carrott

Sixth, Business, Line

I have that working class fear of having nothing. I've always got one eye on what's in the bank. Jasper Carrott

Always, Having, Nothing

I have to confess here that I am a useless cook. Jasper Carrott

I Am, Here, Confess

The impact of T.V. on our lives in general gets most things out of proportion. Jasper Carrott

Most, General, Lives

The whole debate on what food is best for us is complex, ongoing and often controlled by vested interests. Jasper Carrott

Debate, Controlled, Ongoing

I just felt that 'Golden Balls' was the right thing to do. I didn't care if people thought I was a failure. Jasper Carrott

Thought, Balls, Felt

I used to be a columnist for 'Golf Monthly' and have contributed articles for national newspapers based on the humour that is in abundance in the game, which is more than can be said of tennis. Jasper Carrott

Columnist, Which, Based

I've played with some very famous bandits in my time on the celebrity golf circuit. Jasper Carrott

Some, Very, Celebrity

There is no way in my right mind I would contemplate running 26 miles-plus unless it involved a chase with Pamela Anderson. Jasper Carrott

Mind, Anderson, Right

Having signed a few autographs in my time, I always wonder what the heck people do with them. Jasper Carrott

Always, Having, Signed

My driving habits are so ingrained that the driving examiner would fail me in the first mile. That's provided he hadn't died of a heart attack by then. Jasper Carrott

Mile, Habits, Provided

There's a rumour going 'round that if you amass a certain number of penalty points on your driving licence, the authorities will make you take your test again! Now, if ever there was an incentive to drive carefully, they could not have threatened a more terrifying ordeal. Jasper Carrott

Terrifying, Penalty, Your

I should be more vocal about the things I believe are doing us harm, but many years ago in my early twenties, I learned a bit of a lesson. I started to realise at that time the benefits of eating healthy food and drink. Jasper Carrott

Benefits, Doing, Harm

My real name is Bob Davis, but for some reason, I got the name Jasper while playing football at the local rec when I was nine years old, and it just stuck. Years later, when someone asked 'Jasper who?' I just said 'Carrott' - but I have no idea why I came out with that particular word. Jasper Carrott

Some, Reason, Nine

After leaving school, I got a job in a department store not dissimilar to Grace Bros in 'Are You Being Served?' Jasper Carrott

Department Store, Store, Got

I started to develop my comedy skills when I became resident singer at the Boggery Folk Club in Solihull. My career blossomed from there, and I became a big draw on the folk-club circuit. Jasper Carrott

Career, Became, Big

Touring has been a major part of my career. I've done a lot of huge shows, including a 13-night sell-out stint at the Indoor Arena in Birmingham, playing to a total audience of 65,000. Jasper Carrott

Career, Been, Audience

Celador always ask me to do their shows, and I turned down 'Millionaire.' I couldn't have done it as well as Chris Tarrant, or at least I couldn't have done it any better. Jasper Carrott

Always, Turned, Least

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