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Laughter is the best medicine - unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list.

Jasper Carrott Quotes

English - Comedian Born: March 14, 1945

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I have a very happy marriage and friends who keep my feet on the ground. But looking for satisfaction in life is difficult. Maybe being happy is as simple as not being unhappy. Jasper Carrott

Life, Marriage, Happy

Laughter is the best medicine - unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list. Jasper Carrott

Best, Laughter, Medicine

I started to develop my comedy skills when I became resident singer at the Boggery Folk Club in Solihull. My career blossomed from there, and I became a big draw on the folk-club circuit. Jasper Carrott

Comedy, Skills, Career

Yes, you could call me a tree hugger, an environmentalist, an eco-warrior even - except I don't spend my life in a kaftan, smoking joss sticks and walking a skinny dog on a piece of string. Jasper Carrott

Life, Dog, Tree

There is no way in my right mind I would contemplate running 26 miles-plus unless it involved a chase with Pamela Anderson. Jasper Carrott

Mind, Way, Right

I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for. Jasper Carrott

Today, I Am, Moron

When you're six years old, the word 'poo' is the funniest word on God's earth, but this insults my intelligence. Jasper Carrott

God, Intelligence, Earth

I have that working class fear of having nothing. I've always got one eye on what's in the bank. Jasper Carrott

Fear, Eye, Working

When I hit the scene, there was Billy Connolly and Max Boyce. It was all mother-in-law and Irish jokes, and we broke the mould. Now there are thousands of comedians out there, and I don't think I can be above it all. Jasper Carrott

I Can, Think, Mother-In-Law

The impact of T.V. on our lives in general gets most things out of proportion. Jasper Carrott

Impact, Things, General

Happiness to me is simply not being unhappy. Jasper Carrott

Happiness, Me, Unhappy

When the amalgam is delivered to your dentist in a special protective box, he has to take extreme caution when handling the stuff: with masks, gloves, gowns, goggles, all needed to protect him from danger. He then drills your teeth and rams the mixture into your cavities, whereupon it becomes miraculously, instantly safe! Jasper Carrott

Dentist, Special, Teeth

I've always been sensible with my money. I can't say I'm a business genius. Jasper Carrott

Business, Money, Genius

I was never the class clown, and I've no idea where the comedy came from. Jasper Carrott

Comedy, Clown, Idea

I want to do things I enjoy, and show business comes fifth or sixth down the line. Jasper Carrott

Business, Enjoy, Want

I have to confess here that I am a useless cook. Jasper Carrott

I Am, Useless, Here

The whole debate on what food is best for us is complex, ongoing and often controlled by vested interests. Jasper Carrott

Food, Best, Debate

I just felt that 'Golden Balls' was the right thing to do. I didn't care if people thought I was a failure. Jasper Carrott

Failure, Thought, People

I have been known to play a few rounds in my time. I'm not obsessive; I don't play in the dark, but even that's not out of the question because Stevie Wonder is also a golfer. Jasper Carrott

Time, Dark, Play

I used to be a columnist for 'Golf Monthly' and have contributed articles for national newspapers based on the humour that is in abundance in the game, which is more than can be said of tennis. Jasper Carrott

Golf, Game, Tennis

I've played with some very famous bandits in my time on the celebrity golf circuit. Jasper Carrott

Time, Golf, Famous

Having signed a few autographs in my time, I always wonder what the heck people do with them. Jasper Carrott

Time, People, Wonder

My driving habits are so ingrained that the driving examiner would fail me in the first mile. That's provided he hadn't died of a heart attack by then. Jasper Carrott

Heart, Me, Habits

There's a rumour going 'round that if you amass a certain number of penalty points on your driving licence, the authorities will make you take your test again! Now, if ever there was an incentive to drive carefully, they could not have threatened a more terrifying ordeal. Jasper Carrott

Driving, You, Drive

I should be more vocal about the things I believe are doing us harm, but many years ago in my early twenties, I learned a bit of a lesson. I started to realise at that time the benefits of eating healthy food and drink. Jasper Carrott

Time, Food, Believe

My real name is Bob Davis, but for some reason, I got the name Jasper while playing football at the local rec when I was nine years old, and it just stuck. Years later, when someone asked 'Jasper who?' I just said 'Carrott' - but I have no idea why I came out with that particular word. Jasper Carrott

Football, Name, Why

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