Erma Bombeck Quotes - Page 2

American - Journalist February 21, 1927 - April 22, 1996

What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

Men Hair You Your

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

School Graduation You Think

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

Fire You Door Smell

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.

Work Mother Alone Home

Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.

Children Parents People Better

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

Dreams Time Lonely Only Why

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

Car Parenting You Never

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

Success Fame Confuse Other

Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.

Women Home Me Food

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

Funny Gift Guilt Giving Keeps

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

Car You Wait Place

Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, 'A house guest,' you're wrong because I have just described my kids.

Mom You Know Never

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

Family Food Come Where Beverage

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.

You Trying Try Up

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

You Never First Carousel

God created man, but I could do better.

God Man Better Could

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

Women Fitness Thin Them

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'

Children Time View Raising Children

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

Me Small Fruit Dead

Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.

Design Sometimes Human Out

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

Birthday Friend Wife Husband

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

Children Courage White Moments

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

You Will Right Housework

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

Mother Mom Wisdom White

Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.

Shopping Like Why Stealing

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.

You She Know Grandmother Who

Loading...

Load more quotes

Related Authors

Hunter S. Thompson

William F. Buckley, Jr.

BrainyQuote

BrainyQuote Desktop

BrainyQuote Mobile

Site

Quote Of The Day

Social

BQ on Pinterest

BQ on Instagram

Apps

iPhone/iPad app

Quote Of The Day Feeds

Javascript and RSS feeds

WordPress plugin

Quote of the Day Email

About

Copyright © 2001 - 2019 BrainyQuote

Language: Español | Français