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Bob Newhart Quotes

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American - Comedian Born: September 5, 1929
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'. Bob Newhart
Music Country People
Stammering is different than stuttering. Stutterers have trouble with the letters, while stammerers trip over entire parts of a sentence. We stammerers generally think of ourselves as very bright. Bob Newhart
Trouble Bright Think
I was never a Certified Public Accountant... I just had a degree in accounting. The reason I was never a Certified Public Accountant was because it would require passing a test, which I would not have been able to do. Bob Newhart
Accounting Never Accountant
People with a sense of humor tend to be less egocentric and more realistic in their view of the world and more humble in moments of success and less defeated in times of travail. Bob Newhart
Success Humor Humble
I remember seeing a movie with Jose Ferrer and Rosemary Clooney where they were husband and wife, and they got in bed, and he had on polka-dot pajamas and she had on striped pajamas, and when they got up the next morning he had on the striped pajamas and she had the polka dot pajamas, and that was considered racy at that time! Bob Newhart
Time Morning Wife
Richard Pryor introduced me to the world of the inner city, and the urban world, and did it hysterically. My favorite comedian, even though we work 180 degrees differently, but funny is funny is funny. Bob Newhart
Funny Work World
You shouldn't get too close to the truth, because then maybe you stop being funny. Bob Newhart
Funny Truth Stop
Don Rickles and I are best friends. I know that might seem strange to those who know Don only by reputation, but somebody has to be his friend. Just to make sure I don't forget, Don gave me a doormat that sits just outside the front door of my house. It reads: 'The Newharts: The Rickleses Best Friends.' Bob Newhart
Best Me Door
Probably the best advice I ever got in my life was from the head of the accounting department, Mr. Hutchinson, I believe at the Glidden Company in Chicago, and he told me, 'You really aren't cut out for accounting.' Bob Newhart
Life Best Me
I worked in accounting for two and a half years, realized that wasn't what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, and decided I was just going to give comedy a try. Bob Newhart
Life Accounting Rest
The best advice I was probably given and the best advice I could give someone who is trying to get into the comedy field is to take advantage of every opportunity you have to work to hone your skills. Bob Newhart
Best Work Opportunity
I wasn't the class clown. I wasn't that obvious. There would be a circle of guys, and they're watching the class clown. And I'm standing in the back, and I turn to the guy next to me and I say something funny to him, and he starts to laugh. And the guy next to him says, 'What did he say?' Bob Newhart
Funny Me Laugh
A lot of money is spent trying to keep people alive who don't necessarily want to be alive. Bob Newhart
Money Alive People
I always hated when the studios just kind of said that anybody can act. You look at people like Spencer Tracy, Henry Fonda - and I'm just talking about the male actors - there aren't a lot who can act. It's a very special talent, and I wish it were recognized as a very special talent. Bob Newhart
Look Talent People
This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now. - Bob Newhart
This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now. Bob Newhart
Home Me Now
Chuck Lorre and I had been talking about doing one of his shows for a while. I said I'd like to do 'The Big Bang Theory,' because I think it's the best written, most intelligent show on television. Bob Newhart
Best Doing Television
I was not influenced by Jack Benny, and people have remarked on my timing and Jack's timing, but I don't think you can teach timing. It's something you hear in your head. Bob Newhart
People Timing Head
All I can say about life is, 'Oh God, enjoy it!' Bob Newhart
Life God I Can
I don't think too much about age. Maybe if you're hurting, aching and arthritic, then you think about it a lot. But I don't. Bob Newhart
Age Too Much Think
I was an accountant in Chicago, and a friend of mine, Ed Gallagher, was in advertising. At 4:30 every day I'd be bored, and I would call him. He'd interview me. Bob Newhart
Me Day Every Day
I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter. I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage. Bob Newhart
Marriage Laughter Rough
The schizophrenic has no sense of humor. His world is a constantly daunting, unfriendly place. Bob Newhart
Humor World No Sense
I have an aversion to laugh tracks - the moment I hear a laugh track, I go to another channel. Bob Newhart
Moment Laugh Go
Well, my career choice made a difference because I never would have met my wife, Jenny. I met her through comedian Buddy Hackett. He set us up on a blind date and then we got married. Bob Newhart
Wife Choice Blind
When you're going for a joke, you're stuck out there if it doesn't work. There's nowhere to go. You've done the drum role and the cymbal clash and you're out on the end of the plank. Bob Newhart
Work Done End
When I was off TV, people would ask me to please come back, which I think was their way of saying, 'There's nothing out there for us.' Bob Newhart
Me Way Nothing
If you look at Jack Benny, George Burns, or Don Rickles, they've all had long, successful marriages. So, I think there's something about laughter and the durability of a marriage. Bob Newhart
Marriage Look Laughter
Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on. Bob Newhart
Laughter Step Distance
Mark Twain gave us an insight into the life on the Mississippi at the turn of the century. Bob Newhart
Life Us Turn
I've been told to speed up my delivery when I perform. But if I lose the stammer, I'm just another slightly amusing accountant. Bob Newhart
Lose Delivery Speed
It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves. Bob Newhart
Walk Me People
More and more, as I get older, people come up to me and say, 'Thank you for all the laughter.' And my standard answer is, 'It was my pleasure.' But that's the truth. Bob Newhart
Truth Laughter Me
I just don't think most people put myself and Robert Frost in the same category. Bob Newhart
Myself People Same
I don't watch that much television. Bob Newhart
Television Watch Much
Don't be silly and don't waste your time. Bob Newhart
Time Your Waste
There was a sea of change in comedy in the late 1950s and '60s. We were dealing with vignettes as opposed to jokes. We were more socially aware. Bob Newhart
Change Sea Late
I loved 'Everybody Loves Raymond' because I like Ray and I thought it was beautifully cast, I thought it was great writing. I thought Patricia Heaton was wonderful. Bob Newhart
Great Loved Wonderful
I found the most difficult thing when you became successful - when I had the record album, it won Album of the Year - that you were cut off from the source of your material. Your material was everyday people, and you were kind of cut off from that, and you had to work at it. Bob Newhart
Work Difficult People
I just made the decision that I was going to try comedy, and if didn't work, then I knew it didn't work. Then I would go back and do whatever. But at least I wouldn't torture myself the rest of my life, wondering whatever would have happened. Bob Newhart
Life Work Myself
'The Mary Tyler Moore Show' was the best television, the best cast, the best-written television show ever. Bob Newhart
Best Television Show
Humor's a weapon if you want to make it one. Bob Newhart
Humor Want Weapon
I don't think of myself as an American Master. I've just been making a living. Bob Newhart
Myself Living Master
You do a clean show and it's over and the audience have enjoyed themselves and you've enjoyed yourself, and you haven't had to resort to shock. Bob Newhart
Yourself Clean Audience
The only way to survive is to have a sense of humour. Bob Newhart
Way Survive Sense
What you see on stage is pretty much the way I am... a dry sense of humor. Bob Newhart
Humor I Am Way
One time I happened to use the word 'denigrate' onstage, and it didn't get any reaction. So as I continued my act, the left side of my brain was fast-forwarding to see if I had any other big words coming up. Bob Newhart
Time Brain Words
People are meant to be certain places, and I think I'm meant to be on a sound stage doing situation comedy. Bob Newhart
Situation People Doing
Don't live in the past. There's no point. You can't change anything. What a waste of time. Bob Newhart
Change Time Past
I'm most proud of the longevity of my marriage, my kids, and my grandchildren. If you don't have that, you really don't have very much. Bob Newhart
Marriage Proud Longevity
Comedians are never really on vacation because you're always at attention... that antenna is always out there. Bob Newhart
Never Always Attention
I think that what comes through in Chicago humor is the affection. Even though you're poking fun at someone or something, there's still an affection for it. Bob Newhart
Humor Fun Affection
For some reason, comedians are still children. The social skills somehow never reach us, so we say exactly what we think without weighing the results. Bob Newhart
Children Never Us
I've always said people say on a dramatic show, 'I was crying. It was so emotional when he went and grabbed that little girl from a burning building and handed her over to her mother.' In comedy, the best thing you can say is, 'I think it's funny.' Bob Newhart
Funny Best People
I think the thing about it is when you grow up in Chicago there's such a thing as putting on airs, you know? And you just learn not to put on airs. Don't act like, 'Oh boy, I'm somebody.' They'll slap you down. Bob Newhart
Grow Know Down
I think there's a part, just a part of comedians, that is still childlike. Bob Newhart
Childlike Think Comedians
When I started, I was doing all the good comedians I'd ever seen. Then I developed my own voice. My routines are my natural way of looking at the world. Bob Newhart
Good World Way
You're not dead at 85. You're a long way from it. Go out and enjoy. You've earned it. Bob Newhart
Long Dead Way
I didn't know I was cool, but I was very flattered that some of the younger comedy writers came up to talk to me at the Emmys. I found that gratifying. Bob Newhart
Cool Me Comedy
With the advent of cell phones, especially with the very small microphone that attach to the cell phone itself, it's getting harder and harder I find, to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. Bob Newhart
People Phone Cell Phone
The greatest comedian I've ever seen is Jack Benny. He wasn't afraid of the silences. Bob Newhart
Afraid He Greatest
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