Andy Rooney Quotes

American - Journalist January 14, 1919 - November 4, 2011

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

Dog Pet Person Average Than

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.

Truth Believe People Facts

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

You Chance Wrong Right

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

Smile You Mean Around Really

It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.

Life Long Everyone Living

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.

Meaning Vegetarian Old Word

Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.

Smart People Think Dumb

I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.

You Purpose Lucky Happen

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.

Sad Moment Blessed Door

Death is a distant rumor to the young.

Death Young Distant Rumor

Top 10
Andy Rooney
Quotes

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.

Wish More Little Just

As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book.

Book Phone Try Secrets

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

Time Food Me Cooking

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.

Time Computers Garbage Everything

Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.

Teacher People Rest End

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.

Fun Talk Out Dogs

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Computers Done Need Things

Nothing in fine print is ever good news.

Good Nothing News Good News

I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?

Me Think Surprise Government

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly.

Day World Living Mess

Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.

Hands Your Out Head

Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.

Enjoy Watches Golf Television

The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.

People Say Only Politicians

Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?

Man Eating Real Man Real

Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It's sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn't hurt.

Good Sexy Hurt Television

The Super Bowl isn't for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account.

Time Great Game I Can

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