The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
George Jessel

The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.
Honore de Balzac

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Henny Youngman

The Wedding March always reminds me of the music played when soldiers go into battle.
Heinrich Heine

When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
Helen Rowland

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
Prince Philip

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry

When a marriage works, nothing on earth can take its place.
Helen Gahagan

Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage.
Benjamin Franklin

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?
Barbra Streisand

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
Alan King