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Author
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Quote Preview
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| Fred Allen |
What's on your mind, if...
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| Fred Allen |
I like long walks, especially...
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| Fred Allen |
Television is a medium because...
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| Fred Allen |
Hollywood is a place where...
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| Fred Allen |
California is a fine place...
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| Woody Allen |
I don't want to achieve...
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| Woody Allen |
Money is better than poverty...
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| Woody Allen |
I will not eat oysters...
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| Woody Allen |
I failed to make the...
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| Woody Allen |
I am not afraid of...
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| Woody Allen |
If my films make one...
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| Saint Augustine |
O Lord, help me to...
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| Dave Barry |
The four building blocks of...
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| Dave Barry |
It is a scientific fact...
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| Robert Benchley |
I have tried to know...
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| Robert Benchley |
Drawing on my fine command...
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| Yogi Berra |
A nickel ain't worth a...
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| Yogi Berra |
If you ask me anything...
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| Yogi Berra |
I never said most of...
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| Josh Billings |
Every man has his follies...
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| Josh Billings |
There's a great power in...
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| Josh Billings |
A dog is the only...
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| Erma Bombeck |
Never have more children than...
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| Erma Bombeck |
A friend doesn't go on...
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| James Brown |
I'm kidding about having only...
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| George Burns |
Don't stay in bed, unless...
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| George Burns |
I spent a year in...
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| George Burns |
Happiness is having a large...
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| George Burns |
When I was a boy...
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| Samuel Butler |
Parents are the last people...
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| George Carlin |
Weather forecast for tonight...
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| George Carlin |
What does it mean to...
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| George Carlin |
In comic strips, the person...
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| George Carlin |
Electricity is really just...
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| Chevy Chase |
Parrots make great pets. They...
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| Calvin Coolidge |
I have never been hurt...
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| Bill Cosby |
Fatherhood is pretending the...
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| Bill Cosby |
Human beings are the only...
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| Bill Cosby |
Always end the name of...
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| Bill Cosby |
A word to the wise...
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| Rodney Dangerfield |
I haven't spoken to my...
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| Rodney Dangerfield |
I found there was only...
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| Rodney Dangerfield |
I looked up my family...
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| Bette Davis |
I'd luv to kiss ya...
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| Bette Davis |
Brought up to respect the...
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| Ellen DeGeneres |
People always ask me, 'Were...
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| Ellen DeGeneres |
My grandmother started walking...
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| Marlene Dietrich |
Most women set out to...
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| Walt Disney |
I love Mickey Mouse more...
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| Shannen Doherty |
My inner child is not...
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| Albert Einstein |
When you are courting a...
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| Albert Einstein |
Two things are infinite: the...
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| W. C. Fields |
I am free of all...
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| W. C. Fields |
Start every day off with...
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| W. C. Fields |
I cook with wine, sometimes...
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| W. C. Fields |
I like children - fried.
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| W. C. Fields |
I never drink water because...
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| Benjamin Franklin |
Wine is constant proof that...
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| Zsa Zsa Gabor |
He taught me housekeeping...
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| Samuel Goldwyn |
I don't think anyone should...
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| Samuel Goldwyn |
For your information, I would...
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| Mitch Hedberg |
I drank some boiling water...
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| Mitch Hedberg |
I wish my name was...
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| Mitch Hedberg |
My fake plants died because...
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| Katharine Hepburn |
Life is hard. After all...
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| Alfred Hitchcock |
Television has brought back...
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| Dustin Hoffman |
The two basic items necessary...
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| Bob Hope |
A James Cagney love scene...
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| Bob Hope |
I love to go to...
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| Victor Hugo |
Fashions have done more harm...
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| Stephen King |
I am the literary equivalent...
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| Henry A. Kissinger |
There cannot be a crisis...
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| Henry A. Kissinger |
Moderation is a virtue only...
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| Hedy Lamarr |
Any girl can be glamorous...
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| Fran Lebowitz |
You're only has good as...
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| Fran Lebowitz |
Food is an important part...
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| Jay Leno |
The reason there are two...
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| Jay Leno |
Don't forget Mother's Day. Or...
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| Oscar Levant |
Roses are red, violets are...
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| Joe E. Lewis |
I distrust camels, and anyone...
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| Joe E. Lewis |
The way taxes are, you...
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| Jay London |
It all started when my...
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| Jay London |
My father would take me...
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| Paul Lynde |
I can't even get three...
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| Paul Lynde |
I sang in the choir...
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| Naguib Mahfouz |
God did not intend religion...
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| Imelda Marcos |
I did not have three...
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| Don Marquis |
Procrastination is the art of...
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| Groucho Marx |
Military justice is to justice...
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| Groucho Marx |
A child of five would...
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| Groucho Marx |
A hospital bed is a...
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| Groucho Marx |
I refuse to join any...
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| Groucho Marx |
Alimony is like buying hay...
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| Groucho Marx |
I was married by a...
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| Groucho Marx |
Anyone who says he can...
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| Mercedes McCambridge |
I'd never been in play...
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| H. L. Mencken |
A judge is a law...
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| H. L. Mencken |
It is even harder for...
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| H. L. Mencken |
Nobody ever went broke...
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| Dennis Miller |
I rant, therefore I am...
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| Dennis Miller |
I'm like Bush, I see...
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| Spike Milligan |
My Father had a profound...
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| Alanis Morissette |
We'll love you just the...
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| Toni Morrison |
I like marriage. The idea...
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| Lewis Mumford |
Our national flower is the...
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| Mike Myers |
My theory is that all...
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| Howard Nemerov |
I would talk in iambic...
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| P. J. O'Rourke |
Never wear anything that...
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| P. J. O'Rourke |
Never fight an inanimate...
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| P. J. O'Rourke |
Everybody knows how to raise...
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| P. J. O'Rourke |
Cleanliness becomes more important...
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| David Ogilvy |
The consumer isn't a moron...
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| Robert Orben |
Never raise your hand to...
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| Robert Orben |
Older people shouldn't eat...
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| Satchel Paige |
Airplanes may kill you, but...
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| Laurence J. Peter |
Originality is the fine art...
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| Laurence J. Peter |
If two wrongs don't make...
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| Emo Philips |
I was the kid next...
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| Emo Philips |
I was sleeping the other...
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| Emo Philips |
My computer beat me at...
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| Paula Poundstone |
I don't have a bank...
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| Ronald Reagan |
Recession is when a neighbour...
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| Joan Rivers |
I knew I was an...
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| Joan Rivers |
Never floss with a stranger...
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| Joan Rivers |
If God wanted us to...
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| Will Rogers |
I'm not a real movie...
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| Will Rogers |
I never expected to see...
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| Eleanor Roosevelt |
Women are like teabags. We...
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| Helen Rowland |
One man's folly is another...
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| Rita Rudner |
I wonder if other dogs...
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| Rita Rudner |
In Hollywood a marriage is...
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| Bertrand Russell |
I would never die for...
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| Carl Sandburg |
I'm an idealist. I don't...
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| Marilyn vos Savant |
Be able to go shopping...
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| Marilyn vos Savant |
Have enough sense to know...
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| Charles M. Schulz |
I have a new philosophy...
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| Charles M. Schulz |
All you need is love...
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| Arnold Schwarzenegger |
I have a love interest...
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| George Bernard Shaw |
Oh, the tiger will love...
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| George Bernard Shaw |
A government that robs Peter...
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| George Bernard Shaw |
We learn from experience that...
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| Brooke Shields |
Smoking kills. If you're...
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| Casey Stengel |
All right everyone, line up...
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| Casey Stengel |
There comes a time in...
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| James Thurber |
Women are wiser than men...
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| Lily Tomlin |
I always wanted to be...
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| Lily Tomlin |
If love is the answer...
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| Lily Tomlin |
If truth is beauty, how...
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| Harry S. Truman |
You want a friend in...
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| Mark Twain |
There is no sadder sight...
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| Mark Twain |
Advertisements contain the only...
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| Mark Twain |
Honesty is the best policy...
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| Mark Twain |
Get your facts first, then...
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| Mark Twain |
By trying we can easily...
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| Mark Twain |
Go to Heaven for the...
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| Tracey Ullman |
As I get older, I...
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| Tracey Ullman |
I think serial monogamy says...
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| Voltaire |
The superfluous, a very...
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| Mae West |
Between two evils, I always...
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| Mae West |
I used to be Snow...
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| Natalie Wood |
The only time a woman...
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| Frank Lloyd Wright |
TV is chewing gum for...
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| Steven Wright |
I bought some batteries, but...
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| Steven Wright |
I busted a mirror and...
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| Steven Wright |
Cross country skiing is great...
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| Steven Wright |
A lot of people are...
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| Steven Wright |
I intend to live forever...
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| Steven Wright |
Everywhere is within walking...
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| Steven Wright |
Curiosity killed the cat, but...
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