It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was my age he had already been dead for a year.
Tom Lehrer

Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.
Tom Lehrer

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!
Tom Lehrer

Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?
Tom Lehrer

I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.
Tom Lehrer

When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex.
Tom Lehrer

The Army has carried the American ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability.
Tom Lehrer

Think as you work, for in the final analysis, your worth to your company comes not only in solving problems, but also in anticipating them.
Tom Lehrer