It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was my age he had already been dead for a year.
Tom Lehrer

Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.
Tom Lehrer

If a person feels he can't communicate, the least he can do is shut up about it.
Tom Lehrer

Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
Tom Lehrer

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!
Tom Lehrer

Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?
Tom Lehrer

I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.
Tom Lehrer

When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex.
Tom Lehrer