I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way.
Stephen Colbert

I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.
Stephen Colbert

I can't prove it, but I can say it.
Stephen Colbert

In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto on the show is, 'Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.'
Stephen Colbert

Truthiness is tearing apart our country, and I don't mean the argument over who came up with the word. I don't know whether it's a new thing, but it's certainly a current thing, in that it doesn't seem to matter what facts are. It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that's not the case anymore. Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything.
Stephen Colbert

Shamelessness is a wonderful part of the character.
Stephen Colbert

You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take ourselves seriously on any level; we're just comedians.
Stephen Colbert