You can't enjoy light verse with a heavy heart.
Russell Baker

Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it.
Russell Baker

An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictitious, mendacious - just dead wrong.
Russell Baker

People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.
Russell Baker

Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.
Russell Baker

Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.
Russell Baker

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Russell Baker

Reporters thrive on the world's misfortune. For this reason they often take an indecent pleasure in events that dismay the rest of humanity.
Russell Baker