Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane.
Ron White

The next time you have a thought... let it go.
Ron White

I'd rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part.
Ron White

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.
Ron White

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Ron White

Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute!
Ron White

There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.
Ron White