Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
Rita Rudner

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
Rita Rudner

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
Rita Rudner

A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.
Rita Rudner

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
Rita Rudner

Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'
Rita Rudner

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
Rita Rudner