The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.
P. J. O'Rourke

Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
P. J. O'Rourke

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
P. J. O'Rourke

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
P. J. O'Rourke

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
P. J. O'Rourke

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
P. J. O'Rourke

You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.
P. J. O'Rourke