If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.
Larry David

You write about what you know.
Larry David

I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after.
Larry David

Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.
Larry David

Drugs scared me.
Larry David

In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three times as long as service in the regular army, although to be perfectly honest, I was unable to fulfill my entire obligation because I was taking acting classes and they said I could skip my last year.
Larry David

I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War.
Larry David