Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out.
Johnny Vegas

My work's never been accepted by my family, but it's something I'll always carry on with.
Johnny Vegas

I use very few muscles at the best of times.
Johnny Vegas

I've got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one.
Johnny Vegas

There's this idea that it has to be made in London. But we've got everything up here, and if you've got comics who are gifted because of where they're from, you shouldn't drag them away from that natural resource.
Johnny Vegas

I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind.
Johnny Vegas

When I wasn't as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of cruel children and their taunts until I realised that confidence and a bit of aesthetic care can overcome that.
Johnny Vegas

They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day.
Johnny Vegas