For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
Johnny Carson

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
Johnny Carson

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
Johnny Carson

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
Johnny Carson

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Johnny Carson

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: "Are your ready?"
Johnny Carson

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
Johnny Carson

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
Johnny Carson