One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
Jeffrey Bernard

I enjoy doing nothing.
Jeffrey Bernard

A lot of girls annoy me who go to university - one girl told me she was going to Oxford because it was something to do between leaving school and getting married. And I've got to pay for that being an income tax payer.
Jeffrey Bernard

It's not name dropping, but not many people can say, like me, that they spent the day with the likes of Francis Bacon or that boring drunk Dylan Thomas. You don't forget things like that.
Jeffrey Bernard

There's nothing undignified about lying about all day and being waited on by servants, sipping bloody champagne.
Jeffrey Bernard

But you've got to have money for comfort, which obviously doesn't matter as much when you're young, but even so. I always like to bloody eat well and be warm. Have a drink when I want it.
Jeffrey Bernard

The only reason I would have liked to have gone to university is because I like cricket. Not a very good reason to want to go, but as good as any, I suppose.
Jeffrey Bernard

One of the things that goes with getting older is that one becomes more conservative - and I emphasise that when I use the word conservative I do not mean politically.
Jeffrey Bernard