Showing up at school already able to read is like showing up at the undertaker's already embalmed: people start worrying about being put out of their jobs.
Florence King

People are so busy dreaming the American Dream, fantasizing about what they could be or have a right to be, that they're all asleep at the switch. Consequently we are living in the Age of Human Error.
Florence King

Now the only thing I miss about sex is the cigarette afterward. Next to the first one in the morning, it's the best one of all. It tasted so good that even if I had been frigid I would have pretended otherwise just to be able to smoke it.
Florence King

The witty woman is a tragic figure in American life. Wit destroys eroticism and eroticism destroys wit, so women must choose between taking lovers and taking no prisoners.
Florence King

American couples have gone to such lengths to avoid the interference of in-laws that they have to pay marriage counselors to interfere between them.
Florence King

Americans worship creativity the way they worship physical beauty - as a way of enjoying elitism without guilt: God did it.
Florence King

In social matters, pointless conventions are not merely the bee sting of etiquette, but the snake bite of moral order.
Florence King