Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.
Evan Esar

Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.
Evan Esar

Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.
Evan Esar

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.
Evan Esar

The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.
Evan Esar

The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.
Evan Esar

A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much.
Evan Esar