When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship.
Dick Gregory

I never learned hate at home, or shame. I had to go to school for that.
Dick Gregory

We used to root for the Indians against the cavalry, because we didn't think it was fair in the history books that when the cavalry won it was a great victory, and when the Indians won it was a massacre.
Dick Gregory

I am really enjoying the new Martin Luther King Jr stamp - just think about all those white bigots, licking the backside of a black man.
Dick Gregory

If they took all the drugs, nicotine, alcohol and caffeine off the market for six days, they'd have to bring out the tanks to control you.
Dick Gregory

Political promises are much like marriage vows. They are made at the beginning of the relationship between candidate and voter, but are quickly forgotten.
Dick Gregory

When you have a good mother and no father, God kind of sits in. It's not enough, but it helps.
Dick Gregory

I wouldn't mind paying taxes - if I knew they were going to a friendly country.
Dick Gregory