Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.
Bob Hope

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
Bob Hope

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
Bob Hope

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.
Bob Hope

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
Bob Hope

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Bob Hope

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
Bob Hope

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.
Bob Hope