This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security.
Art Buchwald

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.
Art Buchwald

Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
Art Buchwald

The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
Art Buchwald

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
Art Buchwald

So far things are going my way. I am known in the hospice as The Man Who Wouldn't Die. I don't know if this is true or not, but I think some people, not many, are starting to wonder why I'm still around.
Art Buchwald

The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
Art Buchwald

I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
Art Buchwald