If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven Wright

Dying is the most embarrassing thing that can ever happen to you, because someone's got to take care of all your details.
Andy Warhol

To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.
Ogden Nash

The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.
Ogden Nash

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
Will Rogers

I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
Will Rogers

Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.
Will Rogers

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.
Will Rogers

Get someone else to blow your horn and the sound will carry twice as far.
Will Rogers

Drugs are a waste of time. They destroy your memory and your self-respect and everything that goes along with with your self esteem.
Kurt Cobain

If you die you're completely happy and your soul somewhere lives on. I'm not afraid of dying. Total peace after death, becoming someone else is the best hope I've got.
Kurt Cobain

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. Fields

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. Fields

Go to you bosom: Knock there, and ask your heart what it doth know.
William Shakespeare

Heat not a furnace for your foe so hot that it do singe yourself.
William Shakespeare

The most peaceable way for you, if you do take a thief, is, to let him show himself what he is and steal out of your company.
William Shakespeare

Mind your speech a little lest you should mar your fortunes.
William Shakespeare

Do right. Do your best. Treat others as you want to be treated.
Lou Holtz

If you burn your neighbors house down, it doesn't make your house look any better.
Lou Holtz

Never mind your happiness; do your duty.
Peter Drucker