Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

If the stars should appear but one night every thousand years how man would marvel and stare.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you would lift me up you must be on higher ground.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

If the tongue had not been framed for articulation, man would still be a beast in the forest.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.
Aristotle

Excellence, then, is a state concerned with choice, lying in a mean, relative to us, this being determined by reason and in the way in which the man of practical wisdom would determine it.
Aristotle

No one would choose a friendless existence on condition of having all the other things in the world.
Aristotle

Most people would rather give than get affection.
Aristotle

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me".
Erma Bombeck

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
Erma Bombeck

What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
Erma Bombeck

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Erma Bombeck

Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
Erma Bombeck

I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself, than be crowded on a velvet cushion.
Henry David Thoreau

If you would convince a man that he does wrong, do right. Men will believe what they see.
Henry David Thoreau

It is an interesting question how far men would retain their relative rank if they were divested of their clothes.
Henry David Thoreau

In my afternoon walk I would fain forget all my morning occupations and my obligations to society.
Henry David Thoreau

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.
Mitch Hedberg

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
Mitch Hedberg

I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
Mitch Hedberg