Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.
Zig Ziglar

Caesar's wife must be above suspicion.
Julius Caesar

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Michel de Montaigne

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
Woody Allen

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.
Woody Allen

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Woody Allen

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
Woody Allen

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Groucho Marx

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
Rodney Dangerfield

Passion is the evil in adultery. If a man has no opportunity of living with another man's wife, but if it is obvious for some reason that he would like to do so, and would do so if he could, he is no less guilty than if he was caught in the act.
Saint Augustine

Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.
Martin Luther

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
Rodney Dangerfield

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
Rodney Dangerfield

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
Rodney Dangerfield

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
Rodney Dangerfield

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield