There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
Groucho Marx

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
Groucho Marx

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Steven Wright

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
Steven Wright

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
Steven Wright

I never understood why when you died, you didn't just vanish, everything could just keep going on the way it was only you just wouldn't be there. I always thought I'd like my own tombstone to be blank. No epitaph, and no name. Well, actually, I'd like it to say 'figment.'
Andy Warhol

Once you 'got' Pop, you could never see a sign again the same way again. And once you thought Pop, you could never see America the same way again.
Andy Warhol

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.
Ogden Nash

There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful, and who apparently feel that the best way to make friends is to do something terrible and then make amends.
Ogden Nash

The best way out of a difficulty is through it.
Will Rogers

You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way.
Will Rogers

The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking.
Will Rogers

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
Will Rogers

So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way.
Will Rogers

The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing.
Will Rogers

The most peaceable way for you, if you do take a thief, is, to let him show himself what he is and steal out of your company.
William Shakespeare

It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it.
Lou Holtz

The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely the one who dropped it.
Lou Holtz

The best way to predict the future is to create it.
Peter Drucker

No institution can possibly survive if it needs geniuses or supermen to manage it. It must be organized in such a way as to be able to get along under a leadership composed of average human beings.
Peter Drucker