Waiter Quotes

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield

Birthday, Best, Respect

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
Phyllis Diller

Said, Three, Lady

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
Tommy Cooper

Said, Yes, Asked

A diplomat these days in nothing, but a head waiter who is allowed to sit down occasionally.
Peter Ustinov

Nothing, Down, Days

When I talk about my husband, I feel as if people roll their eyes. It's like when you're 16 and order a martini, and the waiter says, 'Do you think I'm stupid?'. They can't grasp that I'm old enough to be married.
Megan Fox

Stupid, Husband, Enough

A man needs to be polite, not just to me but to everyone. I watch that. How does he treat the waiter? How does he treat the coat-check girl? How does he treat the driver?
Adriana Lima

Girl, Everyone, Treat

I'm an assistant storyteller. It's like being a waiter or a gas-station attendant, but I'm waiting on six million people a week, if I'm lucky.
Jane Fonda

Waiting, Week, Lucky

I never taste the wine first in restaurants, I just ask the waiter to pour.
Nigella Lawson

Wine, Ask, Taste

It is a good thing that life is not as serious as it seems to a waiter.
Don Herold

Life, Good, Serious

I've never had to get a job as a waiter or anything. I've always been able to support myself in 'the biz.' Which is great. It's really fantastic to be able to say that, because I know it's hard to do.
Paul Feig

Great, Job, Hard

My father was and is a great father. My father always wanted to do stand-up. He wanted to be an actor. But instead he did two jobs. He did customer service at a hospital and he worked as a waiter at night. He pretty much sacrificed everything for his daughters.
Sherri Shepherd

Great, Father, Everything

To go to the Oscars for Moneyball - that was pretty amazing. And to be able to go work with Kathryn Bigelow - that's going to be pretty sweet. Hopefully I don't have to go back to being a waiter. That's still my main goal.
Chris Pratt

Work, Amazing, Goal

If I ever get looks on the street, which, for the record, is almost never, it's rarely because they think I'm someone they saw in a movie. More often someone sees me and thinks, 'Hey, was that guy my waiter the other night?'
Patrick Wilson

Someone, Night, Often

There are things you just can't do in life. You can't beat the phone company, you can't make a waiter see you until he's ready to see you, and you can't go home again.
Bill Bryson

Life, Home, Again

I have been working since I was 20, and I'm 38. I actually once averaged out what I had made over my professional life. I think I could have made that much as a waiter or an insurance salesman. You know, I spent so many years in my 20's making $10,000 a year.
Sebastian Junger

Life, Made, Working

I was working in restaurants as a captain and as a waiter.
Sally Schneider

Working, Captain

If you're a waiter and you're waiting on me, you might get five percent, you might get seventy percent. It depends on how bad my math skills are that day.
Kelly Ripa

Waiting, Bad, Might

My father was a waiter basically, and when I got my first professional job as an actor, I left a job that he found me for half the amount of money. So anyone would think that they're stupid, that that would be a stupid move.
Alfred Molina

Money, Stupid, Father

I like L.A. It's like a mini break. For a writer, it's hilarious. Like the food. Where I come from, we eat chip sandwiches: white bread, butter, tomato catsup and big fat french fries. It's delicious. Here, you order a creme caramel and the waiter says, 'You know, that contains dairy.'
Helen Fielding

Food, Big, Here

Well, isn't Bohemia a place where everyone is as good as everyone else - and must not a waiter be a little less than a waiter to be a good Bohemian?
Djuna Barnes

Good, Place, Else

A Cannibal is a person who walks into a restaurant and orders a waiter.
Morey Amsterdam

Person, Restaurant, Cannibal

Epitaph for a dead waiter - God finally caught his eye.
George S. Kaufman

Of course we've been fighting against stereotypes from Day One at East West. That's the reason we formed: to combat that, and to show we are capable of more than just fulfilling the stereotypes - waiter, laundryman, gardener, martial artist, villain.
Mako

Fighting, Reason, Show

I was a lousy waiter, dealing with people and having people in your face like that.
Judge Reinhold

Face, Dealing, Lousy

The best number for a dinner party is two; myself and a dam' good head waiter.
Nubar Gulbenkian

Good, Best, Two

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Pliny the Elder

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