Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henny Youngman

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Henny Youngman

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Henny Youngman

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
Henny Youngman

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
Carl Jung

There are only two places in the world where time takes precedence over the job to be done. School and prison.
William Glasser

Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other.
Rainer Maria Rilke

I hold this to be the highest task for a bond between two people: that each protects the solitude of the other.
Rainer Maria Rilke

Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious.
Bill Maher

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
Rita Rudner

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.
Rita Rudner

My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.
Rita Rudner

There are two types of poor people, those who are poor together and those who are poor alone. The first are the true poor, the others are rich people out of luck.
Jean-Paul Sartre

One might as well try to ride two horses moving in different directions, as to try to maintain in equal force two opposing or contradictory sets of desires.
Robert Collier

When I sing, I feel like when you're first in love. It's more than sex. It's that point two people can get to they call love, when you really touch someone for the first time, but it's gigantic, multiplied by the whole audience. I feel chills.
Janis Joplin

You and I are stuck with the necessity of taking the worst of two evils or none at all. So-I'm taking the immature Democrat as the best of the two. Nixon is impossible.
Harry S. Truman

Many people - and I think I am one of them - are more productive when they've had a little to drink. I find if I drink two or three brandies, I'm far better able to write.
David Ogilvy

The factory of the future will have only two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to keep the man from touching the equipment.
Warren G. Bennis

There are two ways of being creative. One can sing and dance. Or one can create an environment in which singers and dancers flourish.
Warren G. Bennis

There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.
George Bernard Shaw