If you want a transcript of tonight's program, get a pen and write down everything I said.
Kevin Nealon

If you want to know how rich you really are, find out what would be left of you tomorrow if you should lose every dollar you own tonight.
William J. H. Boetcker

If you will come back and make that pledge, God will heal your heart tonight.
Benny Hinn

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
Henny Youngman

In the first State of the Union of his second term, President Bush made clear to Americans tonight that he is not going to play the role of a lame duck President.
Jim Sensenbrenner

It is the eve of St. George's Day. Do you not know that tonight, when the clock strikes midnight, all the evil things in the world will have full sway?
Bram Stoker

It will be about which candidate, which of the two candidates remaining, is best suited to make a positive difference in the lives of North Carolina families, and I submit to each of you tonight that I am that candidate and Elizabeth Dole is not.
Erskine Bowles

It's a miracle was the last track recorded for the album, we based it on the rhythm from the middle of 'Late Home Tonight, where there's Graham Broad playing lots and lots of drums with me shouting in the background, pretending to be a mad Arab leader.
Roger Waters

It's really not that hard. If I do a Tonight Show, it's six or seven minutes. If I do a concert, it's 90 minutes. If I do an interview, that's 15 minutes. So by the end of the day I've done three hours worth of work.
Howie Mandel

It's so weird that I went to rehab. I always said that I would die before I went to rehab. But I thought, 'I'm going to stay here tonight.' And I stayed there for a month. It was great.
Lindsay Lohan

Let me announce this to the American people tonight one of the best things about this debate, as a Democrat from Massachusetts, I have proposed eliminating, getting rid of the alternative minimum tax.
Richard Neal

Listeners will wonder what an Englishman is doing on the German radio tonight. You can imagine that before taking this step I hoped that someone better qualified than me would come forward.
John Amery

Luck, be a lady tonight.
Frank Loesser

Maybe I'm too young to keep good love from going wrong, but tonight you're on my mind, so you never know.
Jeff Buckley

Meaning that if you live in the moment, so to speak, we play today, and tonight we're done.
Alex Van Halen

Mick has expressed an interest in coming to the gallery tonight because he's seen me behaving myself lately. He is being much more supportive, which is nice.
Ron Wood

My first appearance as a guest on The Tonight Show was in '81.
Garry shandling

My message tonight is a simple one - the journey is getting exciting and this great state is on the move.
Donald L. Carcieri

My older son who is, I think, here tonight, is forty-one years old. Which is odd because so am I.
Robert B. Parker

On a scale of the United States, the Hollywood influence on what comes out, that's not the majority views of across the country. What we read in Us Weekly or People magazine, or Entertainment Tonight, it's not what the majority of the country is thinking.
Kid Rock