Toilet Quotes

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
George Carlin

Feeling, Chocolate, Eating

Maybe humans are just the pet alligators that God flushed down the toilet.
Chuck Palahniuk

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
Rita Rudner

Women, Men, Night

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet.
Richard M. Nixon

Put, Union, Unless

When someone follows you all the way to the shop and watches you buy toilet roll, you know your life has changed.
Jennifer Aniston

Life, Someone, Changed

When somebody follows you 20 blocks to the pharmacy, where they watch you buy toilet paper, you know your life has changed.
Jennifer Aniston

Life, Somebody, Watch

France is a place where the money falls apart in your hands but you can't tear the toilet paper.
Billy Wilder

Money, Place, Hands

I'm horrible to live with. I don't clean. My clothes end up wherever I take them off. I forget to flush the toilet.
Megan Fox

Live, End, Forget

France is the country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper.
Billy Wilder

Money, Country, Paper

In the period where I had to live the life of a citizen - a life where, like everybody else, I did tons of laundry and cleaned toilet bowls, changed hundreds of diapers and nursed children - I learned a lot.
Patti Smith

Life, Live, Children

There are some ghost stories in Japan where - when you are sitting in the bathroom in the traditional style of the Japanese toilet - a hand is actually starting to grab you from beneath. It's a very scary story.
Shigeru Miyamoto

Story, Actually, Hand

Acting is invigorating. But I don't analyse it too much. It's like a dog smelling where it's going to do its toilet in the morning.
Liam Neeson

Morning, Acting, Dog

In Michigan, a liberal democrat raised taxes and kept their government programs at the same level. And guess what? Their economy continued into the toilet, it continued down.
Rick Perry

Government, Down, Same

It is better to have a relationship with someone who cheats on you than with someone who does not flush the toilet.
Uma Thurman

Someone, Cheats, Flush

And I have this little litany of things they can do. And the first one, of course, is to write - every day, no excuses. It's so easy to make excuses. Even professional writers have days when they'd rather clean the toilet than do the writing.
Octavia Butler

Writing, Rather, Easy

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.
Rod Serling

Difficult, Both, Singing

Today, the degradation of the inner life is symbolized by the fact that the only place sacred from interruption is the private toilet.
Lewis Mumford

Life, Today, Place

Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!
Tommy Cooper

Marriage, Wife, Married

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.
Jay Leno

Bad, Dog, Breath

Most people in America want an easy read. I call it McFiction - books which pass right through you without you even digesting them. I don't mean a book that has two-syllable words. I mean chapters you can read in a toilet break. Happy endings. We are more of a TV culture.
Jodi Picoult

Happy, Book, Mean

I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe.
Paula Poundstone

Life, Humor, Someone

NASA asked me to create meals for the space shuttle. Thai chicken was the favorite. I flew in a fake space shuttle, but I have no desire to go into space after seeing the toilet.
Rachael Ray

Fake, After, Desire

I can say with a solid degree of authority that I am a selfish person. I spontaneously forget the names of more people than not, unless I want to make out with them. I will take the last square of toilet paper off the roll without thinking twice. I tip taxi drivers so poorly I'm amazed none of them have run over my foot while speeding off.
Sloane Crosley

Selfish, Forget, Person

You can almost judge how screwed up somebody is by the kind of toilet paper they use. Go in any rich house and it's some weird coloured embossed stuff.
Don Van Vliet

Judge, Rich, Weird

I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book.
Don Rickles

Tired, Book, Said

I like getting toilet paper thrown at me.
Joel Madden

Getting, Paper, Thrown

Well, I don't use the toilet much to pee in. I almost always pee in the yard or the garden, because I like to pee on my estate.
Iggy Pop

Almost, Garden, Estate

Every time I went on the radio, I would take the crummiest radio station, the station that was like a toilet bowl. I would go on there and build up the ratings, so you couldn't do any worse.
Howard Stern

Time, Worse, Build

I've always loved 3D. In fact, as a kid, I was exposed to 3D at an early age because my grandfather was a specialist of 3D in cinematheques. And then my cousin put it in 'Science of Sleep' with toilet paper tube cities. But he was a specialist and I always wanted to do something in 3D.
Michel Gondry

Age, Science, Sleep

Well, I've thought many times when my career was in the toilet, that I was going to have to seriously consider getting another job, I don't know what I'd do.
Aaron Eckhart

Job, Career, Thought

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