If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven Wright

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying then without money?
Ogden Nash

There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful, and who apparently feel that the best way to make friends is to do something terrible and then make amends.
Ogden Nash

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Will Rogers

The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking.
Will Rogers

If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them.
Will Rogers

Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.
Will Rogers

We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?
Will Rogers

I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then a classic case of divorce really affected me.
Kurt Cobain

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. Fields

To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.
William Shakespeare

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
William Shakespeare

A peace is of the nature of a conquest; for then both parties nobly are subdued, and neither party loser.
William Shakespeare

Being born is like being kidnapped. And then sold into slavery.
William Shakespeare

If you can look into the seeds of time, and say which grain will grow and which will not, speak then unto me.
William Shakespeare

It is better to lead from behind and to put others in front, especially when you celebrate victory when nice things occur. You take the front line when there is danger. Then people will appreciate your leadership.
Nelson Mandela

In my country we go to prison first and then become President.
Nelson Mandela

If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.
Nelson Mandela

One must be an inventor to read well. There is then creative reading as well as creative writing.
Ralph Waldo Emerson