No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
Erma Bombeck

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
Erma Bombeck

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
Erma Bombeck

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
Erma Bombeck

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: "Checkout Time is 18 years."
Erma Bombeck

Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.
Erma Bombeck

Men have become the tools of their tools.
Henry David Thoreau

Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after.
Henry David Thoreau

Every people have gods to suit their circumstances.
Henry David Thoreau

There are old heads in the world who cannot help me by their example or advice to live worthily and satisfactorily to myself; but I believe that it is in my power to elevate myself this very hour above the common level of my life.
Henry David Thoreau

To a philosopher all news, as it is called, is gossip, and they who edit and read it are old women over their tea.
Henry David Thoreau

The finest workers in stone are not copper or steel tools, but the gentle touches of air and water working at their leisure with a liberal allowance of time.
Henry David Thoreau

Great men, unknown to their generation, have their fame among the great who have preceded them, and all true worldly fame subsides from their high estimate beyond the stars.
Henry David Thoreau

Books are to be distinguished by the grandeur of their topics even more than by the manner in which they are treated.
Henry David Thoreau

It is an interesting question how far men would retain their relative rank if they were divested of their clothes.
Henry David Thoreau

The fibers of all things have their tension and are strained like the strings of an instrument.
Henry David Thoreau

Everyone who achieves success in a great venture, solves each problem as they came to it. They helped themselves. And they were helped through powers known and unknown to them at the time they set out on their voyage. They keep going regardless of the obstacles they met.
W. Clement Stone

People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.
Mitch Hedberg

All difficult things have their origin in that which is easy, and great things in that which is small.
Lao Tzu

People in their handlings of affairs often fail when they are about to succeed. If one remains as careful at the end as he was at the beginning, there will be no failure.
Lao Tzu