If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
Woody Allen

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'
Woody Allen

It is useless to tell one not to reason but to believe - you might as well tell a man not to wake but sleep.
Lord Byron

Listen to the cry of a woman in labor at the hour of giving birth - look at the dying man's struggle at his last extremity, and then tell me whether something that begins and ends thus could be intended for enjoyment.
Soren Kierkegaard

It's been a pretty fun ride, to tell you the truth.
R. Lee Ermey

If you must tell me your opinions, tell me what you believe in. I have plenty of doubts of my own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I can tell you, honest friend, what to believe: believe life; it teaches better that book or orator.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Objects in pictures should so be arranged as by their very position to tell their own story.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I'm old enough and cranky enough now that if someone tried to tell me what to do, I'd tell them where to put it.
Dolly Parton

I told you I'm not going to criticize my successor. I'll just tell you that there are people at Gitmo that will kill American people at a drop of a hat and I don't believe that persuasion isn't going to work. Therapy isn't going to cause terrorists to change their mind.
George W. Bush

No greater thing is created suddenly, any more than a bunch of grapes or a fig. If you tell me that you desire a fig, I answer you that there must be time. Let it first blossom, then bear fruit, then ripen.
Epictetus

Nothing great is created suddenly, any more than a bunch of grapes or a fig. If you tell me that you desire a fig. I answer you that there must be time. Let it first blossom, then bear fruit, then ripen.
Epictetus

We tell lies, yet it is easy to show that lying is immoral.
Epictetus

But I'll tell you what hermits realize. If you go off into a far, far forest and get very quiet, you'll come to understand that you're connected with everything.
Alan Watts

From the moment I was six I felt sexy. And let me tell you it was hell, sheer hell, waiting to do something about it.
Bette Davis

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
Henny Youngman

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!
Henny Youngman

Let's suppose somebody abused you sexually. You still had a choice, though not a good one, about what to tell yourself about the abuse.
Albert Ellis

There are so many things about which some old man ought to tell one while one is little; for when one is grown one would know them as a matter of course.
Rainer Maria Rilke

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.
Rita Rudner