Stand-Up Quotes

Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.
Jerry Seinfeld

Good, Yourself, Husband

If I had never ventured beyond being a stand-up comic, then I would be sitting in my house today working on my Leonardo DiCaprio impression.
Jim Carrey

Today, Working, House

A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
Phyllis Diller

End, Bad, Matter

I did stand-up comedy for 18 years. Ten of those years were spent learning, four years were spent refining, and four years were spent in wild success. I was seeking comic originality, and fame fell on me as a byproduct. The course was more plodding than heroic.
Steve Martin

Success, Learning, Comedy

No matter how popular you are as a stand-up - you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart and funny - it's delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it's not about you, that it's about the people who are nominated, and respect that, but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are.
Ellen DeGeneres

Funny, Time, Respect

While I was doing stand-up, I thought I knew for sure that success meant getting everyone to like me. So I became whoever I thought people wanted me to be. I'd say yes when I wanted to say no, and I even wore a few dresses.
Ellen DeGeneres

Success, Thought, Wanted

The only thing I really recommend, if you're starting out in stand-up is to not try to copy anybody else. You can be influenced by people. I was influenced by Steve Martin and Bob Newhart and Woody Allen, but I never tried to be someone else. I always tried to be myself. And the reason people are successful is they're unique.
Ellen DeGeneres

Successful, Someone, Try

Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
Demetri Martin

Love, Short, Ideas

Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable; that's survival.
Demetri Martin

Romantic, Fun, Choice

Yeah, I do stand-up, my own type of stand-up.
William Shatner

I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
Rita Rudner

Until, Desire, Decided

Stand-up is hard.
Jerry Seinfeld

But long story short, I didn't start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an actor or even wanted to write sketch comedy. I got into stand-up because I love stand-up.
Demetri Martin

Love, Long, Short

When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show.
Chris Rock

Show, Basically

I could never do stand-up because it's that thing of having to get up on stage. And out of every 10 jokes you tell, nine of them have to get a really good response.
Daniel Radcliffe

Good, Tell, Jokes

Oh, I love stand-up.
Louis C. K.

You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. There is no 'bosses.'
Louis C. K.

Impossible, Separate, Bosses

There's no real preparing at home for stand-up. You just go and you just do it.
Louis C. K.

Home, Real, Preparing

I do actually use a boxing trainer when I train for stand-up.
Louis C. K.

Boxing, Actually, Train

Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. There's nothing more satisfying.
Elayne Boosler

Home, Nothing, Night

With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle.
Johnny Vegas

Chance, Quite, Fickle

I also want to return to doing stand-up. I've become frightened of live audiences. This is a really telling sign that I need to go back on the comedy circuit again.
Johnny Vegas

Live, Become, Again

Health-wise, I couldn't have said what my life expectancy would've been if I'd just carried on doing solid blocks of stand-up.
Johnny Vegas

Life, Said, Solid

I had a massive amount of self-belief when I did stand-up.
Johnny Vegas

Amount, Massive

When I was younger and did a stand-up gig, it would take me two weeks to recover. Sometimes I'd get so panicked that I would stutter.
Adam Sandler

Two, Sometimes, Younger

When I do stand-up shows at colleges, girls will talk to me after the show, and that always feels good. I like talking to them.
Adam Sandler

Good, After, Talk

I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy.
Dennis Miller

Trust, God, Enough

I don't see myself as a stand-up comic doing cynical, mean-spirited or disrespectful stuff. I'm very aware that I don't like to disrespect people too much.
Tracey Ullman

Disrespect, Stuff, Cynical

Who do I like? I am a big fan of French and Saunders - not that that they are particularly stand-up I have to say, but I think they have been great for women and they are of themselves just incredibly funny whether they are male or female.
Jo Brand

Funny, Women, Great

I like the purity of stand-up because it is all about whether people laugh at your jokes. Either they laugh or they don't.
Jo Brand

Laugh, Whether, Either

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