I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
George Carlin

When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
George Carlin

When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream.
John Lennon

If someone thinks that love and peace is a cliche that must have been left behind in the Sixties, that's his problem. Love and peace are eternal.
John Lennon

It only stands to reason that where there's sacrifice, there's someone collecting the sacrificial offerings. Where there's service, there is someone being served. The man who speaks to you of sacrifice is speaking of slaves and masters, and intends to be the master.
Ayn Rand

What do you regard as most humane? To spare someone shame.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Anyone who has declared someone else to be an idiot, a bad apple, is annoyed when it turns out in the end that he isn't.
Friedrich Nietzsche

It is impossible to suffer without making someone pay for it; every complaint already contains revenge.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Rejoicing in our joy, not suffering over our suffering, makes someone a friend.
Friedrich Nietzsche

The most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
Helen Keller

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven Wright

Dying is the most embarrassing thing that can ever happen to you, because someone's got to take care of all your details.
Andy Warhol

The most exciting thing is not doing it. If you fall in love with someone and never do it, it's much more exciting.
Andy Warhol

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
Ogden Nash

Get someone else to blow your horn and the sound will carry twice as far.
Will Rogers

Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.
Kurt Cobain

If you die you're completely happy and your soul somewhere lives on. I'm not afraid of dying. Total peace after death, becoming someone else is the best hope I've got.
Kurt Cobain

If you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask someone else first.
Kurt Cobain

Show me someone who has done something worthwhile, and I'll show you someone who has overcome adversity.
Lou Holtz