She Quotes

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
Joan Rivers

Life, Mother, Husband

A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman as bad as she dares.
Elbert Hubbard

Good, Bad, Woman

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Rodney Dangerfield

Jealousy, Wife, May

She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.
Mae West

Success, Girl, Wrong

When a woman is talking to you, listen to what she says with her eyes.
Victor Hugo

Woman, Eyes, Her

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
Rodney Dangerfield

Wife, Dark, Light

The expression a woman wears on her face is far more important than the clothes she wears on her back.
Dale Carnegie

Important, Woman, Her

There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.
Erma Bombeck

Mother, After, Wrong

Beauty is truth's smile when she beholds her own face in a perfect mirror.
Rabindranath Tagore

Beauty, Truth, Smile

As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by 'survival of the fittest.'
Bill Cosby

Mother, Past, Put

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield

Wife, Tough, Married

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
Erma Bombeck

Friend, Old, Tell

Acceptance is not love. You love a person because he or she has lovable traits, but you accept everybody just because they're alive and human.
Albert Ellis

Love, Human, Person

It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.
H. L. Mencken

Woman, Chemistry, Though

Nature cannot be tricked or cheated. She will give up to you the object of your struggles only after you have paid her price.
Napoleon Hill

Nature, Give, After

America makes prodigious mistakes, America has colossal faults, but one thing cannot be denied: America is always on the move. She may be going to Hell, of course, but at least she isn't standing still.
e. e. cummings

Mistakes, May, America

There are no extra pieces in the universe. Everyone is here because he or she has a place to fill, and every piece must fit itself into the big jigsaw puzzle.
Deepak Chopra

Big, Place, Here

A woman has the age she deserves.
Coco Chanel

Age, Woman, Deserves

Mom and Dad were married 64 years. And if you wondered what their secret was, you could have asked the local florist - because every day Dad gave Mom a rose, which he put on her bedside table. That's how she found out what happened on the day my father died - she went looking for him because that morning, there was no rose.
Mitt Romney

Morning, Mom, Dad

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
Woody Allen

Home, Wife, Immature

My mother's wonderful. To me she's perfection.
Michael Jackson

Mother, Wonderful, Perfection

I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then I said, 'Does he bite?' She said, 'No.' And I said, 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar.
Demetri Martin

Love, Trust, Women

Be as a bird perched on a frail branch that she feels bending beneath her, still she sings away all the same, knowing she has wings.
Victor Hugo

Same, Away, Her

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
Groucho Marx

Mother, Children, Loved

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
Rodney Dangerfield

Elizabeth Taylor is gorgeous, beautiful, and she still is today, I'm crazy about her.
Michael Jackson

Beautiful, Today, Crazy

Any woman who chooses to behave like a full human being should be warned that the armies of the status quo will treat her as something of a dirty joke. That's their natural and first weapon. She will need her sisterhood.
Gloria Steinem

Woman, Human, Treat

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him.
H. L. Mencken

Truth, Husband, Woman

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.
John Barrymore

Love, Beautiful, Girl

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
Rodney Dangerfield

Truth, Wife, Two

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