My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?
Mitch Hedberg

My partner and I won the race, and I threw my hat into the air and bent to pick it up. Everyone started laughin' because I had split the back end of my pants out, and I wasn't wearing shorts.
Chris LeDoux

Never take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants.
Geraldo Rivera

No, I'm happy doing this. Five sweaters and a pair of dirty pants, you can make pretty good money.
McLean Stevenson

Oh, that character was light years away from me. I'm not debonair. I'm not suave. I did wear tight pants, though, because I found out that it worked.
Robert Conrad

Photographs are still being taken but aren't being shown. There's one of a skeleton bound at the wrists with pants still around its ankles; if it was a woman, she was likely raped; if it was a man, he was possibly castrated.
Nicholas D. Kristof

Remember that nobody will ever get ahead of you as long as he is kicking you in the seat of the pants.
Walter Winchell

She says that I wore some pretty sexy leather pants to that first meeting, but I don't remember.
Dick Ebersol

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.
Joe E. Lewis

Sometimes people need a kick in the pants to get them to do what they would be doing if government weren't there as a perpetual parent.
Cal Thomas

Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.
Kevin James

The human body has two ends on it: one to create with and one to sit on. Sometimes people get their ends reversed. When this happens they need a kick in the seat of the pants.
Theodore Roosevelt

The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore.
Larry David

There are certain things people always bring up with me. The accident. The drugs. And how tight my pants were.
Leif Garrett

There are no rules and regulations for perfect composition. If there were we would be able to put all the information into a computer and would come out with a masterpiece. We know that's impossible. You have to compose by the seat of your pants.
Arnold Newman

There is definitely something sexy about a girl with an attitude and a pair of leather pants.
Eliza Dushku

There were many times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.
Jonathan Swift

They kept me in short pants as long as they could, until they were shaving the hair on my legs because it was beginning to photograph.
Jackie Cooper

They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'
Eddie Izzard

Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe.
Benny Hill