I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Rodney Dangerfield

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield

My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
Rodney Dangerfield

Lead, follow, or get out of the way.
Thomas Paine

A sportsman is a man who every now and then, simply has to get out and kill something.
Stephen Leacock

Now, the essence, the very spirit of Christmas is that we first make believe a thing is so, and lo, it presently turns out to be so.
Stephen Leacock

There's no such thing, you know, as picking out the best woman: it's only a question of comparative badness, brother.
Plautus

It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.
Anne Frank

I must uphold my ideals, for perhaps the time will come when I shall be able to carry them out.
Anne Frank

I've decided to cut out the part of the speech where I say anything nice about Democrats.
Ann Coulter

A commodity appears at first sight an extremely obvious, trivial thing. But its analysis brings out that it is a very strange thing, abounding in metaphysical subtleties and theological niceties.
Karl Marx

I have tried to lift France out of the mud. But she will return to her errors and vomitings. I cannot prevent the French from being French.
Charles de Gaulle

Only peril can bring the French together. One can't impose unity out of the blue on a country that has 265 different kinds of cheese.
Charles de Gaulle

You start out giving your hat, then you give your coat, then your shirt, then your skin and finally your soul.
Charles de Gaulle

With out passion you dont have energy, with out energy you have nothing.
Donald Trump

Love him or hate him, Trump is a man who is certain about what he wants and sets out to get it, no holds barred. Women find his power almost as much of a turn-on as his money.
Donald Trump

I'm a bit of a P. T. Barnum. I make stars out of everyone.
Donald Trump

Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best; it removes all that is base. All men are afraid in battle. The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty. Duty is the essence of manhood.
George S. Patton

We herd sheep, we drive cattle, we lead people. Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way.
George S. Patton