But we have to pass the bill so you can find out what is in it, away from the fog of the controversy.
Nancy Pelosi

Beauty is unbearable, drives us to despair, offering us for a minute the glimpse of an eternity that we should like to stretch out over the whole of time.
Albert Camus

We herd sheep, we drive cattle, we lead people. Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way.
George S. Patton

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
Steven Wright

God is looking for people to use, and if you can get usable, he will wear you out. The most dangerous prayer you can pray is this: 'Use me.'
Rick Warren

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield

Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best; it removes all that is base. All men are afraid in battle. The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty. Duty is the essence of manhood.
George S. Patton

That God does not exist, I cannot deny, That my whole being cries out for God I cannot forget.
Jean-Paul Sartre

Every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness, and dies by chance.
Jean-Paul Sartre

There are two types of poor people, those who are poor together and those who are poor alone. The first are the true poor, the others are rich people out of luck.
Jean-Paul Sartre

We must act out passion before we can feel it.
Jean-Paul Sartre

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
Mitch Hedberg

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel.
Leonardo da Vinci

I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.
Mitch Hedberg

We don't get to know people when they come to us; we must go to them to find out what they are like.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

For everyone of us that succeeds, it's because there's somebody there to show you the way out.
Oprah Winfrey

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Steven Wright

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.
Steven Wright

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
Steven Wright

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright