Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
Johnny Carson

A politician never forgets the precarious nature of elective life. We have never established a practice of tenure in public office.
Hubert H. Humphrey

No one in this world has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people. Nor has anyone ever lost public office thereby.
H. L. Mencken

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.
H. L. Mencken

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
Ambrose Bierce

Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
Ambrose Bierce

No man can call himself liberal, or radical, or even a conservative advocate of fair play, if his work depends in any way on the unpaid or underpaid labor of women at home, or in the office.
Gloria Steinem

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.
Jeff Foxworthy

It was my fortune, or misfortune, to be called to the office of Chief Executive without any previous political training.
Ulysses S. Grant

When I took office, only high energy physicists had ever heard of what is called the Worldwide Web... Now even my cat has its own page.
William J. Clinton

My plan after office is to get up and spend that entire first day helping my wife move into her new senatorial office.
William J. Clinton

Poor Darrell Hammond. What's he going to do when I leave office?
William J. Clinton

I like spending time at home. In Paris, people drop by and have a bite to eat, or they drop by and watch Friends on TV. I take my dog to the office there, and I walk to work sometimes.
Marc Jacobs

Nothing interferes with my concentration. You could put on an orgy in my office and I wouldn't look up. Well, maybe once.
Isaac Asimov

The thing I enjoyed most were visits from children. They did not want public office.
Herbert Hoover

Very difficult to understand American audience, what they like, what they don't like. Some movie I like very much, it doesn't work. Some movie I don't like, it gets big box office. Very difficult.
Jackie Chan

We're seeing the development of tactics in Iraq, such as suicide bombing. Insurgents have been driving cars with explosives into hotels and office buildings. The recruitment may be even more prolific outside Iraq.
Rand Beers

A tremendous number of people in America work very hard at something that bores them. Even a rich man thinks he has to go down to the office everyday. Not because he likes it but because he can't think of anything else to do.
W. H. Auden

The United States brags about its political system, but the President says one thing during the election, something else when he takes office, something else at midterm and something else when he leaves.
Deng Xiaoping

I've worked in a factory. I was a garbage man. I worked in a post office. It's not that long ago. I like to think that I'm just a regular guy.
Denzel Washington